Stitched to Pieces

The absence of TISM and me

2009-06-21T14:31:00.003+10:00

I have not written anything for a year now. A lot has happenned in my life in the past few years. A lot of good, some not so good.

The absence of TISM may have had something to do with it. I still regard their last show in Brisbane in 2004 as being the best live performance of a band I have ever seen. The Arena no longer exists. It's now an RnB club. I think because it was a fire hazard. The Queen Street Mall has been done up, yet I still consider the Valley Mall to be a complete shithole. This brings me to my next topic.

I currently play bass in a Jazz trio called Blood Orange Juice. We have a semi-regular gig at a bar in the Valley Mall called Not Quite 299. Just downhill from Club 299. It used to be a burlesque bar but now it's a fledgeling place for small bands. Yes now small bands can whore themselves for fuck all on a tiny stage below a trapeze. How fucking rock-tabulous is that? Just a hint, if you're gonna use the bathroom there, you can rely on the soap dispenser working, but not the taps. Your best bet is to try the leaking pipe outside the bathroom. You'll be happy you made the right choice of money-sucking-soul-crushing-hobby.

A year and a half ago I went to Japan and South Korea for a month. Some of the highlights:

Seeing Mt. Fuji and getting there via five trains
Getting invited to see a "sexy show" at the red light district in Tokyo
Arriving in Seoul the day after Korea's number 1 treasure Namdaemun burnt down
Having a random Korean family asking me to be in their photo outside said torched gate
Seeing it snow in Kyoto
Being looked at by a North Korean guard at the border
Failing at snowboarding
Crying everytime I ate kimchi

Yep it sure was awesome.

That'll do for now. If you actually read the whole thing please make a comment telling me why you read the whole thing. Do people still subscribe to this blog?

ROOT!

2008-08-15T16:44:00.002+10:00

ROOT! will be playing at the Troubadour in Brisbane on September 6th. Hooray!

lololololololololol

2008-05-28T10:25:00.007+10:00

Why I hate Australia:

Racism 'not behind Islamic school knock-back'
Outside the meeting, some residents expressed relief there would not be an influx of Muslims in the area, including a woman wearing an akubra hat decorated with Australian flags.

"We just don't want Muslim people in Camden," she said.

"We don't want them not only here, we don't want them in Australia. They're an oppressive society, they're a dictatorship."

Another resident said: "It's not for racist [reasons], just all the crime and stuff that other foreign people bring into the town."

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/05/28/2257535.htm

RIP Jock

2008-04-28T19:08:00.011+10:00

James Paull (aka Jock, aka Tokin' Blackman), guitarist in TISM passed away on the 9th of April. He died of cancer.

I remember going to my 2nd (and last) TISM show in 2004. I glanced over at Jock for a second then watched Ron jumping around half naked, Humphrey singing and Les and Jon dancing away. I remember turning back to Jock and seeing he had pulled a lit cigarette from mid-air. That's my memory of him. Jumping around like a fuckhead in the mosh of a TISM show and seeing Jock smoking casually amongst all the craziness. I really don't know that much about him, but he was part of a band I love so much.

RIP Jock

Ron Hitler Barassi gives a moving eulogy to his friend:
http://www.smartartists.com.au/artists/jock.php

photos

2008-04-21T21:47:00.003+10:00

I miss

2008-02-24T16:43:00.006+10:00

I am missing kimchi, bibimbap, bewildered locals, friendly hellos, random old guys talking to me about a certain bibimbap that Michael Jackson ate when he toured, famous comedians that interview you in national parks, a stupid border that has guns and mad shit like that, cheap pottery, dogs living on cold rooftops, snow, families that want you to be in their photographs, being able to hike up to isolated temples, hoddok, cold weather, shamanist chants and frozen fucking waterfalls.

I miss...

Australia-leaving Day

2008-01-24T19:52:00.000+10:00

Dear fans,

I'll be going to Japan and South Korea for a month. Leaving on Saturday. I'll blog some stuff on here when I get a chance. I'd tell you my itinerary but I couldn't be fucked since I've talked about it for the past year. I'm going to the obvious places anyway.

I am shit scared, nervous and excited. Wondering what a TISM-less country looks like.

2007-12-31T12:04:00.000+10:00

hello. does anyone actually read this?

i'm just wondering.

please.

comment if you're reading this.

i'm interested.

please.

The Last Question by Isaac Asimov (1956)

2007-09-02T18:06:00.000+10:00

The last question was asked for the first time, half in jest, on May 21, 2061, at a time when humanity first stepped into the light. The question came about as a result of a five dollar bet over highballs, and it happened this way:

Alexander Adell and Bertram Lupov were two of the faithful attendants of Multivac. As well as any human beings could, they knew what lay behind the cold, clicking, flashing face -- miles and miles of face -- of that giant computer. They had at least a vague notion of the general plan of relays and circuits that had long since grown past the point where any single human could possibly have a firm grasp of the whole.

Multivac was self-adjusting and self-correcting. It had to be, for nothing human could adjust and correct it quickly enough or even adequately enough -- so Adell and Lupov attended the monstrous giant only lightly and superficially, yet as well as any men could. They fed it data, adjusted questions to its needs and translated the answers that were issued. Certainly they, and all others like them, were fully entitled to share In the glory that was Multivac's.

For decades, Multivac had helped design the ships and plot the trajectories that enabled man to reach the Moon, Mars, and Venus, but past that, Earth's poor resources could not support the ships. Too much energy was needed for the long trips. Earth exploited its coal and uranium with increasing efficiency, but there was only so much of both.

But slowly Multivac learned enough to answer deeper questions more fundamentally, and on May 14, 2061, what had been theory, became fact.

The energy of the sun was stored, converted, and utilized directly on a planet-wide scale. All Earth turned off its burning coal, its fissioning uranium, and flipped the switch that connected all of it to a small station, one mile in diameter, circling the Earth at half the distance of the Moon. All Earth ran by invisible beams of sunpower.

Seven days had not sufficed to dim the glory of it and Adell and Lupov finally managed to escape from the public function, and to meet in quiet where no one would think of looking for them, in the deserted underground chambers, where portions of the mighty buried body of Multivac showed. Unattended, idling, sorting data with contented lazy clickings, Multivac, too, had earned its vacation and the boys appreciated that. They had no intention, originally, of disturbing it.

They had brought a bottle with them, and their only concern at the moment was to relax in the company of each other and the bottle.

"It's amazing when you think of it," said Adell. His broad face had lines of weariness in it, and he stirred his drink slowly with a glass rod, watching the cubes of ice slur clumsily about. "All the energy we can possibly ever use for free. Enough energy, if we wanted to draw on it, to melt all Earth into a big drop of impure liquid iron, and still never miss the energy so used. All the energy we could ever use, forever and forever and forever."

Lupov cocked his head sideways. He had a trick of doing that when he wanted to be contrary, and he wanted to be contrary now, partly because he had had to carry the ice and glassware. "Not forever," he said.

"Oh, hell, just about forever. Till the sun runs down, Bert."

"That's not forever."

"All right, then. Billions and billions of years. Twenty billion, maybe. Are you satisfied?"

Lupov put his fingers through his thinning hair as though to reassure himself that some was still left and sipped gently at his own drink. "Twenty billion years isn't forever."

"Will, it will last our time, won't it?"

"So would the coal and uranium."

"All right, but now we can hook up each individual spaceship to the Solar Station, and it can go to Pluto and back a million times without ever worrying about fuel. You can't do THAT on coal and uranium. Ask Multivac, if you don't believe me."

"I don't have to ask Multivac. I know that."

"Then stop running down what Multivac's done for us," said Adell, blazing up. "It did all right."

"Who says it didn't? What I say is that a sun won't last forever. That's all I'm saying. We're safe for twenty billion years, but then what?" Lupov pointed a slightly shaky finger at the other. "And don't say we'll switch to another sun."

There was silence for a while. Adell put his glass to his lips only occasionally, and Lupov's eyes slowly closed. They rested.

Then Lupov's eyes snapped open. "You're thinking we'll switch to another sun when ours is done, aren't you?"

"I'm not thinking."

"Sure you are. You're weak on logic, that's the trouble with you. You're like the guy in the story who was caught in a sudden shower and Who ran to a grove of trees and got under one. He wasn't worried, you see, because he figured when one tree got wet through, he would just get under another one."

"I get it," said Adell. "Don't shout. When the sun is done, the other stars will be gone, too."

"Darn right they will," muttered Lupov. "It all had a beginning in the original cosmic explosion, whatever that was, and it'll all have an end when all the stars run down. Some run down faster than others. Hell, the giants won't last a hundred million years. The sun will last twenty billion years and maybe the dwarfs will last a hundred billion for all the good they are. But just give us a trillion years and everything will be dark. Entropy has to increase to maximum, that's all."

"I know all about entropy," said Adell, standing on his dignity.

"The hell you do."

"I know as much as you do."

"Then you know everything's got to run down someday."

"All right. Who says they won't?"

"You did, you poor sap. You said we had all the energy we needed, forever. You said 'forever.'"

"It was Adell's turn to be contrary. "Maybe we can build things up again someday," he said.

"Never."

"Why not? Someday."

"Never."

"Ask Multivac."

"You ask Multivac. I dare you. Five dollars says it can't be done."

"Adell was just drunk enough to try, just sober enough to be able to phrase the necessary symbols and operations into a question which, in words, might have corresponded to this: Will mankind one day without the net expenditure of energy be able to restore the sun to its full youthfulness even after it had died of old age?

Or maybe it could be put more simply like this: How can the net amount of entropy of the universe be massively decreased?

Multivac fell dead and silent. The slow flashing of lights ceased, the distant sounds of clicking relays ended.

Then, just as the frightened technicians felt they could hold their breath no longer, there was a sudden springing to life of the teletype attached to that portion of Multivac. Five words were printed: INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR MEANINGFUL ANSWER.

"No bet," whispered Lupov. They left hurriedly.

By next morning, the two, plagued with throbbing head and cottony mouth, had forgotten about the incident.

Jerrodd, Jerrodine, and Jerrodette I and II watched the starry picture in the visiplate change as the passage through hyperspace was completed in its non-time lapse. At once, the even powdering of stars gave way to the predominance of a single bright marble-disk, centered.

"That's X-23," said Jerrodd confidently. His thin hands clamped tightly behind his back and the knuckles whitened.

The little Jerrodettes, both girls, had experienced the hyperspace passage for the first time in their lives and were self-conscious over the momentary sensation of inside-outness. They buried their giggles and chased one another wildly about their mother, screaming, "We've reached X-23 -- we've reached X-23 -- we've ----"

"Quiet, children," said Jerrodine sharply. "Are you sure, Jerrodd?"

"What is there to be but sure?" asked Jerrodd, glancing up at the bulge of featureless metal just under the ceiling. It ran the length of the room, disappearing through the wall at either end. It was as long as the ship.

Jerrodd scarcely knew a thing about the thick rod of metal except that it was called a Microvac, that one asked it questions if one wished; that if one did not it still had its task of guiding the ship to a preordered destination; of feeding on energies from the various Sub-galactic Power Stations; of computing the equations for the hyperspacial jumps.

Jerrodd and his family had only to wait and live in the comfortable residence quarters of the ship.

Someone had once told Jerrodd that the "ac" at the end of "Microvac" stood for "analog computer" in ancient English, but he was on the edge of forgetting even that.

Jerrodine's eyes were moist as she watched the visiplate. "I can't help it. I feel funny about leaving Earth."

"Why for Pete's sake?" demanded Jerrodd. "We had nothing there. We'll have everything on X-23. You won't be alone. You won't be a pioneer. There are over a million people on the planet already. Good Lord, our great grandchildren will be looking for new worlds because X-23 will be overcrowded."

Then, after a reflective pause, "I tell you, it's a lucky thing the computers worked out interstellar travel the way the race is growing."

"I know, I know," said Jerrodine miserably.

Jerrodette I said promptly, "Our Microvac is the best Microvac in the world."

"I think so, too," said Jerrodd, tousling her hair.

It was a nice feeling to have a Microvac of your own and Jerrodd was glad he was part of his generation and no other. In his father's youth, the only computers had been tremendous machines taking up a hundred square miles of land. There was only one to a planet. Planetary ACs they were called. They had been growing in size steadily for a thousand years and then, all at once, came refinement. In place of transistors had come molecular valves so that even the largest Planetary AC could be put into a space only half the volume of a spaceship.

Jerrodd felt uplifted, as he always did when he thought that his own personal Microvac was many times more complicated than the ancient and primitive Multivac that had first tamed the Sun, and almost as complicated as Earth's Planetary AC (the largest) that had first solved the problem of hyperspatial travel and had made trips to the stars possible.

"So many stars, so many planets," sighed Jerrodine, busy with her own thoughts. "I suppose families will be going out to new planets forever, the way we are now."

"Not forever," said Jerrodd, with a smile. "It will all stop someday, but not for billions of years. Many billions. Even the stars run down, you know. Entropy must increase."

"What's entropy, daddy?" shrilled Jerrodette II.

"Entropy, little sweet, is just a word which means the amount of running-down of the universe. Everything runs down, you know, like your little walkie-talkie robot, remember?"

"Can't you just put in a new power-unit, like with my robot?"

"The stars are the power-units, dear. Once they're gone, there are no more power-units."

Jerrodette I at once set up a howl. "Don't let them, daddy. Don't let the stars run down."

"Now look what you've done, " whispered Jerrodine, exasperated.

"How was I to know it would frighten them?" Jerrodd whispered back.

"Ask the Microvac," wailed Jerrodette I. "Ask him how to turn the stars on again."

"Go ahead," said Jerrodine. "It will quiet them down." (Jerrodette II was beginning to cry, also.)

Jarrodd shrugged. "Now, now, honeys. I'll ask Microvac. Don't worry, he'll tell us."

He asked the Microvac, adding quickly, "Print the answer."

Jerrodd cupped the strip of thin cellufilm and said cheerfully, "See now, the Microvac says it will take care of everything when the time comes so don't worry."

Jerrodine said, "and now children, it's time for bed. We'll be in our new home soon."

Jerrodd read the words on the cellufilm again before destroying it: INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER.

He shrugged and looked at the visiplate. X-23 was just ahead.

VJ-23X of Lameth stared into the black depths of the three-dimensional, small-scale map of the Galaxy and said, "Are we ridiculous, I wonder, in being so concerned about the matter?"

MQ-17J of Nicron shook his head. "I think not. You know the Galaxy will be filled in five years at the present rate of expansion."

Both seemed in their early twenties, both were tall and perfectly formed.

"Still," said VJ-23X, "I hesitate to submit a pessimistic report to the Galactic Council."

"I wouldn't consider any other kind of report. Stir them up a bit. We've got to stir them up."

VJ-23X sighed. "Space is infinite. A hundred billion Galaxies are there for the taking. More."

"A hundred billion is not infinite and it's getting less infinite all the time. Consider! Twenty thousand years ago, mankind first solved the problem of utilizing stellar energy, and a few centuries later, interstellar travel became possible. It took mankind a million years to fill one small world and then only fifteen thousand years to fill the rest of the Galaxy. Now the population doubles every ten years --"

VJ-23X interrupted. "We can thank immortality for that."

"Very well. Immortality exists and we have to take it into account. I admit it has its seamy side, this immortality. The Galactic AC has solved many problems for us, but in solving the problems of preventing old age and death, it has undone all its other solutions."

"Yet you wouldn't want to abandon life, I suppose."

"Not at all," snapped MQ-17J, softening it at once to, "Not yet. I'm by no means old enough. How old are you?"

"Two hundred twenty-three. And you?"

"I'm still under two hundred. --But to get back to my point. Population doubles every ten years. Once this Galaxy is filled, we'll have another filled in ten years. Another ten years and we'll have filled two more. Another decade, four more. In a hundred years, we'll have filled a thousand Galaxies. In a thousand years, a million Galaxies. In ten thousand years, the entire known Universe. Then what?"

VJ-23X said, "As a side issue, there's a problem of transportation. I wonder how many sunpower units it will take to move Galaxies of individuals from one Galaxy to the next."

"A very good point. Already, mankind consumes two sunpower units per year."

"Most of it's wasted. After all, our own Galaxy alone pours out a thousand sunpower units a year and we only use two of those."

"Granted, but even with a hundred per cent efficiency, we can only stave off the end. Our energy requirements are going up in geometric progression even faster than our population. We'll run out of energy even sooner than we run out of Galaxies. A good point. A very good point."

"We'll just have to build new stars out of interstellar gas."

"Or out of dissipated heat?" asked MQ-17J, sarcastically.

"There may be some way to reverse entropy. We ought to ask the Galactic AC."

VJ-23X was not really serious, but MQ-17J pulled out his AC-contact from his pocket and placed it on the table before him.

"I've half a mind to," he said. "It's something the human race will have to face someday."

He stared somberly at his small AC-contact. It was only two inches cubed and nothing in itself, but it was connected through hyperspace with the great Galactic AC that served all mankind. Hyperspace considered, it was an integral part of the Galactic AC.

MQ-17J paused to wonder if someday in his immortal life he would get to see the Galactic AC. It was on a little world of its own, a spider webbing of force-beams holding the matter within which surges of sub-mesons took the place of the old clumsy molecular valves. Yet despite it's sub-etheric workings, the Galactic AC was known to be a full thousand feet across.

MQ-17J asked suddenly of his AC-contact, "Can entropy ever be reversed?"

VJ-23X looked startled and said at once, "Oh, say, I didn't really mean to have you ask that."

"Why not?"

"We both know entropy can't be reversed. You can't turn smoke and ash back into a tree."

"Do you have trees on your world?" asked MQ-17J.

The sound of the Galactic AC startled them into silence. Its voice came thin and beautiful out of the small AC-contact on the desk. It said: THERE IS INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER.

VJ-23X said, "See!"

The two men thereupon returned to the question of the report they were to make to the Galactic Council.

Zee Prime's mind spanned the new Galaxy with a faint interest in the countless twists of stars that powdered it. He had never seen this one before. Would he ever see them all? So many of them, each with its load of humanity - but a load that was almost a dead weight. More and more, the real essence of men was to be found out here, in space.

Minds, not bodies! The immortal bodies remained back on the planets, in suspension over the eons. Sometimes they roused for material activity but that was growing rarer. Few new individuals were coming into existence to join the incredibly mighty throng, but what matter? There was little room in the Universe for new individuals.

Zee Prime was roused out of his reverie upon coming across the wispy tendrils of another mind.

"I am Zee Prime," said Zee Prime. "And you?"

"I am Dee Sub Wun. Your Galaxy?"

"We call it only the Galaxy. And you?"

"We call ours the same. All men call their Galaxy their Galaxy and nothing more. Why not?"

"True. Since all Galaxies are the same."

"Not all Galaxies. On one particular Galaxy the race of man must have originated. That makes it different."

Zee Prime said, "On which one?"

"I cannot say. The Universal AC would know."

"Shall we ask him? I am suddenly curious."

Zee Prime's perceptions broadened until the Galaxies themselves shrunk and became a new, more diffuse powdering on a much larger background. So many hundreds of billions of them, all with their immortal beings, all carrying their load of intelligences with minds that drifted freely through space. And yet one of them was unique among them all in being the originals Galaxy. One of them had, in its vague and distant past, a period when it was the only Galaxy populated by man.

Zee Prime was consumed with curiosity to see this Galaxy and called, out: "Universal AC! On which Galaxy did mankind originate?"

The Universal AC heard, for on every world and throughout space, it had its receptors ready, and each receptor lead through hyperspace to some unknown point where the Universal AC kept itself aloof.

Zee Prime knew of only one man whose thoughts had penetrated within sensing distance of Universal AC, and he reported only a shining globe, two feet across, difficult to see.

"But how can that be all of Universal AC?" Zee Prime had asked.

"Most of it, " had been the answer, "is in hyperspace. In what form it is there I cannot imagine."

Nor could anyone, for the day had long since passed, Zee Prime knew, when any man had any part of the making of a universal AC. Each Universal AC designed and constructed its successor. Each, during its existence of a million years or more accumulated the necessary data to build a better and more intricate, more capable successor in which its own store of data and individuality would be submerged.

The Universal AC interrupted Zee Prime's wandering thoughts, not with words, but with guidance. Zee Prime's mentality was guided into the dim sea of Galaxies and one in particular enlarged into stars.

A thought came, infinitely distant, but infinitely clear. "THIS IS THE ORIGINAL GALAXY OF MAN."

But it was the same after all, the same as any other, and Zee Prime stifled his disappointment.

Dee Sub Wun, whose mind had accompanied the other, said suddenly, "And Is one of these stars the original star of Man?"

The Universal AC said, "MAN'S ORIGINAL STAR HAS GONE NOVA. IT IS NOW A WHITE DWARF."

"Did the men upon it die?" asked Zee Prime, startled and without thinking.

The Universal AC said, "A NEW WORLD, AS IN SUCH CASES, WAS CONSTRUCTED FOR THEIR PHYSICAL BODIES IN TIME."

"Yes, of course," said Zee Prime, but a sense of loss overwhelmed him even so. His mind released its hold on the original Galaxy of Man, let it spring back and lose itself among the blurred pin points. He never wanted to see it again.

Dee Sub Wun said, "What is wrong?"

"The stars are dying. The original star is dead."

"They must all die. Why not?"

"But when all energy is gone, our bodies will finally die, and you and I with them."

"It will take billions of years."

"I do not wish it to happen even after billions of years. Universal AC! How may stars be kept from dying?"

Dee sub Wun said in amusement, "You're asking how entropy might be reversed in direction."

And the Universal AC answered. "THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER."

Zee Prime's thoughts fled back to his own Galaxy. He gave no further thought to Dee Sub Wun, whose body might be waiting on a galaxy a trillion light-years away, or on the star next to Zee Prime's own. It didn't matter.

Unhappily, Zee Prime began collecting interstellar hydrogen out of which to build a small star of his own. If the stars must someday die, at least some could yet be built.

Man considered with himself, for in a way, Man, mentally, was one. He consisted of a trillion, trillion, trillion ageless bodies, each in its place, each resting quiet and incorruptible, each cared for by perfect automatons, equally incorruptible, while the minds of all the bodies freely melted one into the other, indistinguishable.

Man said, "The Universe is dying."

Man looked about at the dimming Galaxies. The giant stars, spendthrifts, were gone long ago, back in the dimmest of the dim far past. Almost all stars were white dwarfs, fading to the end.

New stars had been built of the dust between the stars, some by natural processes, some by Man himself, and those were going, too. White dwarfs might yet be crashed together and of the mighty forces so released, new stars build, but only one star for every thousand white dwarfs destroyed, and those would come to an end, too.

Man said, "Carefully husbanded, as directed by the Cosmic AC, the energy that is even yet left in all the Universe will last for billions of years."

"But even so," said Man, "eventually it will all come to an end. However it may be husbanded, however stretched out, the energy once expended is gone and cannot be restored. Entropy must increase to the maximum."

Man said, "Can entropy not be reversed? Let us ask the Cosmic AC."

The Cosmic AC surrounded them but not in space. Not a fragment of it was in space. It was in hyperspace and made of something that was neither matter nor energy. The question of its size and Nature no longer had meaning to any terms that Man could comprehend.

"Cosmic AC," said Man, "How many entropy be reversed?"

The Cosmic AC said, "THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER."

Man said, "Collect additional data."

The Cosmic AC said, "I WILL DO SO. I HAVE BEEN DOING SO FOR A HUNDRED BILLION YEARS. MY PREDECESSORS AND I HAVE BEEN ASKED THIS QUESTION MANY TIMES. ALL THE DATA I HAVE REMAINS INSUFFICIENT."

"Will there come a time," said Man, "when data will be sufficient or is the problem insoluble in all conceivable circumstances?"

The Cosmic AC said, "NO PROBLEM IS INSOLUBLE IN ALL CONCEIVABLE CIRCUMSTANCES."

Man said, "When will you have enough data to answer the question?"

"THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER."

"Will you keep working on it?" asked Man.

The Cosmic AC said, "I WILL."

Man said, "We shall wait."

"The stars and Galaxies died and snuffed out, and space grew black after ten trillion years of running down.

One by one Man fused with AC, each physical body losing its mental identity in a manner that was somehow not a loss but a gain.

Man's last mind paused before fusion, looking over a space that included nothing but the dregs of one last dark star and nothing besides but incredibly thin matter, agitated randomly by the tag ends of heat wearing out, asymptotically, to the absolute zero.

Man said, "AC, is this the end? Can this chaos not be reversed into the Universe once more? Can that not be done?"

AC said, "THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER."

Man's last mind fused and only AC existed -- and that in hyperspace.

Matter and energy had ended and with it, space and time. Even AC existed only for the sake of the one last question that it had never answered from the time a half-drunken computer ten trillion years before had asked the question of a computer that was to AC far less than was a man to Man.

All other questions had been answered, and until this last question was answered also, AC might not release his consciousness.

All collected data had come to a final end. Nothing was left to be collected.

But all collected data had yet to be completely correlated and put together in all possible relationships.

A timeless interval was spent in doing that.

And it came to pass that AC learned how to reverse the direction of entropy.

But there was now no man to whom AC might give the answer of the last question. No matter. The answer -- by demonstration -- would take care of that, too.

For another timeless interval, AC thought how best to do this. Carefully, AC organized the program.

The consciousness of AC encompassed all of what had once been a Universe and brooded over what was now Chaos. Step by step, it must be done.

And AC said, "LET THERE BE LIGHT!"

And there was light----

David and Margaret LOL

2007-08-13T21:13:00.000+10:00

David and Margaret outside GoMA. LOLZ

Last Saturday I saw David Stratton (that bearded movie guy on those loser channels) receive the Chauvel Award at the Brisbane International Film Festival. But the unreal thing about it was that he was interviewed by Margaret Pomeranz. haha. It was David and Margaret: the live show. Fucking cool.

It was held in a movie theatre at the Gallery of Modern Art. The occasion started off with tributes to David playing on the movie screen, with David watching them. Among those thanking him were Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman. After that David and Margaret took the stage. Margaret on the left, David on the right, as usual. She asked him about his past and how he got to where he is today. Then the audience was allowed to ask David questions. That bit was definitely the highlight. He talked about Michael Moore, Dancer in the Dark, how he's been sued, and the first movie he saw when he was 8.

I bootlegged the entire thing. Here's a funny story David told about his first trip to the Venice Film Festival in 1966. It's got an incredible ending.

I'll upload more if I can be bothered.

I also saw Margaret having a fag outside the State Library. Trippy shit.

stupid line

2007-08-02T19:59:00.000+10:00

I am facing a dilemma. I am in the process of buying a sweet guitar, and today I played my favourite one yet. I can't find the exact picture of it, because it is rather special. But this is close to it.

Imagine silver hardware and block inlays, not dot inlays:

Looks very cool doesn't it? Yes. It fucking is. But there's one thing shit about it isn't it? That stupid line down the middle of it!!! Why does that have to ruin it for me?

Life is just too frustrating.

In other news I have nearly completed my goal of listening to all 20 albums by Tom Waits. That guy's a fucking genius. He has the roughest voice you've ever heard. I think he came to Australia once in the 70's. I doubt he'd come back. Meh.

Here's him playing The Piano Has Been Drinking on some old show:

On Saturday I'm playing bass in a band as part of the Scouts celebrations that are going on around the world at the moment. It's 100 years since Baden Powell started it all. There's gonna be some big show at the South Bank Piazza on Saturday. No doubt you'll see scouts doing skits and singing. Lots and lots of kids singing. I believe you need to pay to see it though. I recommend you save your money for the film festival which shall start soon. The only reason I'm doing this gig is cos I'm getting paid for it. w00t Scouts!

Stafford

2007-06-24T20:04:00.000+10:00

The moon was an icy dagger piercing the sky, letting the rain in last night. It was the 23rd of the month and I had been 23 years old since my birthday on the 23rd of March. That's weird, but it gets weirder...

After the end of my concert last night I got on bus number 345 and headed north towards Chermside West. But when I got off the bus it was not Chermside West. It was Stafford! I was a few kms short. The rain was pretty heavy. Heavy walking through anyway. I started walking north wondering what I was going to do. Should I call someone or wait for the next bus? I came to a part in the road where the footpath ends and it runs into a road up the hill. I realise I'll have to take a detour to get up this hill, but then do I realise a couple on this footpath-less part of the road. They were having a domestic. On the edge of a moderately busy road. I see the woman fall down. As I get closer to them, I stop behind some bushes, take off my headphones and listen.

"Leave me alone!!!"

It's about this time that I am worried as to what will happen. Does he have a knife? A gun?!?! Why do I always think the men have got the weapons? As I try to listen and spy on them, I panic. Will they see me? Fearing they might, I decide to take the detour up the road.

As I am walking through the 'burbs I can't help but think what is going to happen to them. I eventually make my way up the hill and meet up with the main road. This bit of the road is where the footpath starts again. I see a bus stop shelter and sit down. Looking right I see the woman again. She is by herself. She's off the road on a little bit of grass this time fortunately. I can't make out what she's doing but I figure she's using her mobile. In not too long the guy walks up the footpath-less road and starts talking to her again. I can't hear what they're saying, but it's definitely not a fucking chit-chat. It's about this time that I decide to call Kristy to ask if she can get me. I tell her where I am and mention the couple that are having a little fight.

A few minutes later, while still on the phone, the couple starts walking towards me. I really, really panic now. It's freezing, raining, I'm in the middle of nowhere (Stafford) and there are two bickering drunkards coming towards me. "Oh shit shit shit they're coming my way" I tell Kristy. I sit as close as I can to the side of the bus stop shelter and look down. I stop talking to Kristy for a good 30 seconds. They walk by me, I catch a glimpse of the woman, the man brushes beside me and they continue along the path. The woman looks like a fatter, more drug fucked version of Courtney Love. Smeared eyeliner and everything. The whole bit. I realise they're more likely to be ice users than drunk fucks.

They continue up the road to a point just before the crest of a hill. The woman walks out on the road in this blind spot (I'm not surprised) but then stands still in the lane, arms open, Jesus Christ pose, awaiting a car to hit her. I am yelling into my phone "Get off the road you fucking idiot!!!" At this point I realise I could see her die. Hit by a car. Fuck off you're dead. You're under the wheels of a truck I'm explaining how you got there to the police. She stands there for a good 10 seconds or so. Given that it's a major road, she is very lucky she chose those 10 seconds.

After she walks off to the other side of the road the guy follows her. She starts waving her bag at him. They begin to walk away down a side street over the hill. A white limousine comes over the hill where the woman was and down the road. As I watch it all the way down I am reminded of Mulholland Drive. The spooky road in L.A. and that mind-fuck of a movie I couldn't understand. It summed up the Hollywood-ness of the whole ordeal to me. Where glitz and glamour disguises drug fucked bitches (ie: Courtney Love). That's what that limo meant. I'll never forget it.

Looking back on it I was quite scared. Though I realise if this had happened in the Valley I wouldn't have cared at all. The difference was that I was in an unknown part of town and the only two people near me were drug fucked crazies. It really got to me.

Fuck

2007-05-22T22:45:00.000+10:00

NIИ

2007-05-08T22:49:00.000+10:00

Last night I saw Nine Inch Nails for the second time. ohhhh yeah!!!!! They were good. Very good actually. Much better than last time. Last time it was at the Entertainment Centre, but it was so much better at the Riverside stage. Got a great view of the stage. Kristy and I stood right at the crest of the hill. Fantastic.

I was a bit disappointed that they didn't bring more lights. Their lightshow is awesome, a fuck-load of strobes, but the American tours get much better lights. Their guitarist is fucking insane. He was bending over the amp getting some weird feedback. He finished the show by smashing his guitar.

Before the concert I went to a portaloo and checked for any USB drives. There were none. Damn. I really hoped Brisbane would be part of the ARG thing. Although I managed to get a shirt which says: "ART IS RESISTANCE". Finally I've got a NIN shirt that fits me. Hurrah.

Trent was wearing shorts. LOL!!! He always used to wear long, industrial looking pants. It must be too hot for him in Australia. LOL!!!

Yesterday on the train to the city I was thinking of the weird timing of this concert. It was Labor day. A day where workers march. But this year it had more significance. It is an election year, and as we all know the government has been getting a lot of shit over its' IR laws they're introducing (understatement). So obviously Labor Day was just gonna be another big protest against these laws. Not only that, Kevin Rudd made an appearance in Brisbane at one of the rallies. So on this day of protest in Brisbane, NIN perform. A few years ago I wouldn't have thought this was weird. However it is a bit of a coincidence since NIN have gone all fucking political recently. It made me think.

Here's a clip of them playing March of the Pigs. Recorded by some lucky cunt in the front row. Trent really was at his usual screaming best.

I stole that pic of Trent from someone on the NIN boards. He won't mind.

I'm Big in Japan

2007-04-15T22:23:00.000+10:00

Have been busy planning Kristy and I's month long trip to Japan and South Korea. You can see where we're going and what we're doing here in google maps.

I'm Big in Japan is a song by Tom Waits. Kristy reckons it's about his cock.

evade tax for the dole

2007-02-21T22:18:00.000+10:00

Lindsay from Frenzal Rhomb, John Safran, Ron and Humphrey talk about work for the dole:

are we not men? we heart work for the dole!

2007-02-17T23:37:00.000+10:00

Kristy got me a devo action figurine! Devo are a band that started in the 70's. They played bizzare rock/electronic music. The bad thing is I don't want to take it out of the box. It comes with 5 interchangeable heads, a whip and energy dome hats. It looks to cool:

I recently re-read my post about nerds at the work for the dole place I had to go to when I was unemployed. I feel great now that I have a shit-hot job in IT. I hope those guys are still unemployed. Even better I hope they are doing an excom course so they can have an "exciting career in IT!". I hate that commercial! This suave fucker is reclining in a chair saying:

"You want an exciting career in IT? You've gotta go to excom!"

Then later you see him driving a sports car. Sif he owns the fucking thing. It's probably his boss's. I'm certain that after that guy finished shooting that ad his boss yells at him: "Get back to fucking work and start putting these computers into boxes! By the way, stop driving my fucking car you poser!"

I still really hate those people I did work for the dole with. I want them to be in wftd forever. It affected me so much I felt like writing a movie about them. The tagline might be:

Six nerds
One room
No hope

Margaret: I really laughed out loud to this movie! I can't believe it was based on a true story. The nerds are portrayed in such a cliched manner. But it's all true!

David: Yes, but it really grated on me Margaret.

Margaret: Yes but that's the point! *loud chuckling* Oh you're so particular David!

David: I really didn't care much for the characters in this movie. I ended up wanting them to be in work for the dole forever. 1 star.

Margaret: Oh David! This was the comic masterpiece of the year for me! 4 and a half from me.

PS: The archive of all my old posts is available from the bottom of the page.

neo-nazi jabbing

2007-01-19T21:35:00.000+10:00

So I got out my berettas and I was like fucking bang bang bang. You played CS yeah?

I'm gonna get the number 14 tattooed on my arm. You know what that stands for? It stands for "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for White children".

You can get free a free meal from the Church there and one at the Jewish Church.

Those are a few lines I overheard a guy saying on a tram in Melbourne. I should probably tell you all about my travels in Melbourne:

My first Melbourne experience was when I got off the plane at Melbourne airport and I go to the toilet. I'm at the urinal pissing away and I feel a jab in my sides. I turn around (while pissing) and see this little kid behind me. I say to myself "what the fuck?!" and he runs away.

In the words of Ron Hitler Barrassi: "Vics are pricks"

I found this cool book store called Kill City. It specialises in crime books. I bought Chopper 3: How to shoot friends & influence people. Funny stuff.

Random shit:

The company I work for was bought for $315m by some rich yank fuckers
I'm trying to read Treasure Island
I can't believe the Patriotic Youth League, which was present at the Cronulla Riots, is connected to the Australia First Party.
www.korea-dpr.com - the only official site of North Korea. It blows!
The head of the Korean Friendship Association is a Spanish guy called Alejandro Cao de Benos de Les y Pérez.
Went to the Big Day Out.
Someone who I play with at band was in a car accident with Clem Jones.

I couldn't be fucked writing something witty and angry. Why don't you think for yourself for once. Fucking christ.

melbourne

2007-01-05T11:35:00.000+10:00

hello from fucking hot melbourne. Here is a list of what I have accomplished from my time in this fucking hot city. Me and Kristy are livin' the dream!

Went to Springvale
Got my picture taken with that iconic tism sign
went to rare records in st kilda and saw a folder of old (80's) tism flyers, newsletters and press releases. The guy who works there is front row on the 'save our tism' dvd.
Didn't buy a $120 tism poster
had pizza on lygon street
went to the zoo
went to the casino and got a new appreciation of the packer empire

that'll do for now. cya!

Terrorism suspect requests DVD, CD equipment

2006-12-14T13:10:00.000+10:00

The first Queenslander charged under national terrorism laws is requesting DVD and CD equipment to help prepare his own defence case from behind bars.

John Howard Amundsen, 40, was arrested in May after police allegedly found 53 kilograms of explosives at his north Brisbane home.

He is facing a string of charges, including preparing to commit an act of terrorism.

A magistrate has this morning granted the former teacher restricted daily access to a computer in jail.

Amundsen told the court he would need computer and DVD equipment to work on his defence case.

The Brisbane court was also told that Amundsen's bail application hearing may take place later this month, ahead of committal proceedings set down for March next year.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200612/s1803694.htm

PS: Fell on my back this week. I don't recommend it.

Centacare loves you!

2006-09-26T19:50:00.000+10:00

In the year 2050 the Australian federal minister for Family Affairs has just announced new legislation which aims to promote the family unit in Australia. These changes affect all single people in Australia. Following pressure from the ruling Family First Party, this legislation proposes that all Australian citizens must get married before reaching the age of 30. Failure, or refusal to do so will result in the immediate deportation of such individuals.

In line with these new changes, Centacare Employment has embarked upon a new branch of its' operation. It presents:

Centacare Lovin' aims to help single people who are currently in a prolonged state of singleness. In order to help their clients (loveseekers) find true love, and eventually a life partner, Centacare Lovin' assists them by providing a range of activities. These activities increase a loveseekers' chance of finding a significant other and thereby minimizing the chance of a shotgun wedding.

Once a loveseeker has become engaged, the support from Centacare Lovin' does not stop there. The client must undergo Post Engagement Support (PES). This support makes sure the client stays engaged, happy and planning for that big day. Upon commencement of PES, the loveseeker is mailed a letter which looks something like this:

Congratulations on getting Engaged!

Now that you are engaged, I'd like to take this opportunity to keep in touch and let you know that we will be contacting you regularly over the next three to six months to ensure your engagment is going well and to provide assistance where possible. These contact times can be by phone or email. Please let us know which is more convenient to meet your needs and a time that is appropriate if electing to have phone contacts.

As part of Centacare Lovin's contractual obligation to deliver quality Love Network services to our loveseekers we are required, by the Department of Family Affairs, to retain evidence of your engagement on file.

Once again congratulations, I look forward to talking with you in the near future.

Y & Z
Post Engagement Support Team

At the same time, the loveseekers' partner is mailed a highly professional letter as thus:

Attention: Partner

Dear Sir/Madam,

Our client recently started work with you. In order to fulfil our contractual obligations to the Australian Government, Centacare Lovin' is required to record engagement details and monitor X's engagement for up to six months. To do this, we provide a service called 'Post Engagement Support' (PES).

PES simply means that we will keep in touch with you by phone once a month. At the 13 and 26 week milestones, in some instances, we may ask if you would mind completing a brief Engagement Confirmation for us. This provides evidence which we are required to keep on file.

Centacare Lovin' enjoys an enviable reputation as partner recruitment professionals with numerous offices in every state. The services we provide are Completely Free and can also include Post Engagement Mentoring (PEM) which assists you with retention, training and any additional life-partner needs you may have.

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation and help and I look forward to speaking with you in the near future. In the meantime, if I can provide you with any assistance, please don't hesistate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Post Engagement Support

The Department of Family Affairs requires a few simple things from the client during PES. Every month the client must submit (by fax or post) a detailed list of every sexual act committed between them and their partner. This must be signed by both parties. This list includes every position, orgasm, blowjob and head given. It is vital to know this as Centacare needs to report this information to the Department of Family Affairs as required by legislation. This information proves that a loveseeker is indeed committed and serious about engagement.

Upon getting married, the support does not stop there! Oh no. It just keeps on going and going!!!! Until you're married and fucking hell leave me alone!!! Leave me alone Centacare!!! I have a life! It's none of your business how much I make! You don't need to tell my boss I'm a client of yours! You're not helping!!!!

Get the fuck out of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,
Me

Caffeine: Drug of the Corporate World

2006-09-18T19:44:00.000+10:00

Today at work I used the coffee machine for the first time. I didn't know what I was doing and I think I accidentally made the strongest cup of coffee in the history of the human race. This is how my caffeine trip went:

I sat at my desk and consumed it. I start spinning a pen in my fingers fast and agitatedly. My feet bounce off the floor. They were bouncing before but this is even more so. After a few minutes I start losing concentration in what I'm doing on the computer. I can't help it. My mind is swimming. I feel as though I want to be genuinely enthusiastic about working with the people around me. I wanna be lively with my workmates and get along with them. My mind then switches to saxophone great John Coltrane's best piece: Giant Steps. I feel as though I'm playing the main riff on guitar and there is his band playing with me. We're being recorded in a studio. It's a very comforting feeling. I look around the office and realise that everyone must be feeling this. Wow. This is what they feel all day. Wow. Then I start feeling a cold chill through me. I look at my hand. It is shaking. My muscles are twitching all over. Even though it's a fine day I feel I really need my coat on now. I feel cold. I start fearing that I may have Parkinson's Disease. Shit. I don't want that. I start thinking about that as much as I like Back to the Future, I don't wanna be like Michael J. Fox. Marty McFly!!! Yeah!!!!

The trip faded out gradually from there. It lasted about 30 minutes. I hadn't felt anything like that before.

Not influenced at all by my holiday to trip-out-city, I bought a 1983 movie on DVD called Koyaanisqatsi. It's a Hopi-Indian word which means "life out of balance". It's a movie with music by wacky composer Philip Glass (main reason why I got it), features no dialogue and has mostly stock footage of various shit. It's an arty movie which I only saw 2 minutes of and decided: I've gotta see that. Unfortunately it's one of those films you need to see on a ten storey high screen to get the most out of. Ah fuck it.

I know every song on the radio!!!!

2006-08-17T20:01:00.000+10:00

Listening to jjj is like watching a news channel. They have a limited amount of news/song to play (or choosing to show a limited amount). They both repeat the same crap over and over. As if there isn't anything else to play. I listen to jjj all day at work. Yeah I work for the place that puts digital signage tvs on the citycats (www.all4u.tv). So all day I listen to jjj and all day I hear the same fucking songs. I'm just not used to it.

Last Friday SBS aired South Park and played the episode called: Butters' Very Own Episode. In it Butters catches his Dad jacking off in a bath house and his Mum tries to kill Butters. Butters goes missing and the Mum explains to authorities that some puerto rican guy killed him. At the end they meet up with O J Simpson and the JonBenet Ramseys parents and the show accuses them of not confessing for murders they have committed.

Recently a guy called John Karr admitted he was present when JonBenet Ramsey died in 1996. Here's his resume. It's better than mine.

Yasmin's Getting Axed!

2006-08-06T22:47:00.000+10:00

http://www.smh.com.au/news/tv--radio/yasmins-not-getting-married/2006/08/06/1154802745278.html

At last! My blog has changed the course of history! Channel Ten has axed Yasmin's Getting Married!

Finally her heart has been sliced in two by the axe of commercial television. The Australian public fucked her over in the car on the way to the church and left her at the altar. Yes! The system works.

PS: It's being replaced with Futurama. Thanks. You've made my bitch happy.

Yasmin's Getting Divorced!

2006-08-05T00:00:00.000+10:00

There's this train-wreck on TV called Yasmin's Getting Married. I think it replaces that turkey-slappin' show Big Brother in Channel Ten's lineup.

Executive Producer Karen Willing tells us why the show is so great:

"...it's just so hard to meet people in bars, clubs, in a superficial environment, and if they happen to meet a girl through a TV show then that's OK." http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2006/07/26/1153816235626.html

Yeah a reality tv show where a chick speed-dates a bunch of desparate cunts based on what home viewers think she should date, and not what she thinks and then marry a cunt who she has known for at most 9 weeks isn't superficial? Fuck off. I can't believe this show is relying on people to phone in and vote on who she should "date". Why would you let strangers tell you who you should be with? Why?!?! WHY?!?!?!?!?

It's because someone high up in Channel Ten convinced this desparate bitch to let Channel Ten be a dating agency for her. Also she would not worry about marrying the wrong guy because she would only date guys that the Australian public thought she should be with. Australians would phone up 1800 numbers and provide some moral support for the fragile little fucking corner of Yasmin's brain that can't make decisions by itself. This way Channel Ten would make money and Yasmin would marry some fuckwit. Yasmin thought: "It's a win win situation!!!" I wonder if it's in Yasmin's contract that she has to marry someone before the shows' end. The shows' name suggests that. Isn't that an arranged marriage? What if she doesn't find someone she wants to marry? Would the series end with her being single? Would Channel Ten let that happen?

This show reminds me of an American show in 2000 called: Who wants to marry a multi-millionaire? The idea was that a bunch of superficial women parade around a stage and the equally superficial, mystery, multi-millionaire guy picked out a girl he wanted to marry. At the end they married on TV without having ever met before. They ended up divorcing shortly after.

Shit.

This Yasmin show is no where near as bad as that, but christ it's getting there.

PS: Channel Ten, you replaced tonight's episode of The Simpsons with a cross-promotional show about some bitch from Neighbours. Thanks.
PPS: The Chaser's War on Everything ripped on Rove's What The? segment tonight. Thanks.
PPPS: The Wedge isn't funny.

water

2006-07-30T20:47:00.000+10:00

Since when did the question of "what is safe to drink?" become a matter for the general public to decide upon? Shouldn't things like this be decided by water treatment specialists? Also, as long as the water is properly treated and is safe to drink, what's the problem? What does it matter where it came from?

18+?

2006-07-23T19:28:00.000+10:00

From a game of msn poker:

Jerome_Kiwi83> just practicing so i can go 2 da casino
Guest5> lol
Guest5> yeh wel lucky 4 u, u dont loose money here
Jerome_Kiwi83> well i watch it on tv enuff,
Guest5> yeh i watch it when its on..
Jerome_Kiwi83> probably lose wen go 2 da cas tho
Guest5> yeh it wil suck
Guest5> u old enuff 2 go?
Jerome_Kiwi83> yes that's why i'm playin on this, why are most ppl here under age?
Guest5> hav no idea.. im not
Jerome_Kiwi83> ok
Guest5> i dont think u hav 2 b ova 18 2 play this
Guest5> but u neva no
Jerome_Kiwi83> na, but thats why i'm playing so i can get the idea 2 play in the casino, becoz u have 2 be 18
Guest5> yeh
Chiquitin1977 exits.
Guest5> im sik of this comp
Jerome_Kiwi83> yep, he's a pain in the %#@
Guest5> sure is
Guest5> nh
Jerome_Kiwi83> Yeah
Jerome_Kiwi83> nevermind
Guest5 exits.
Jerome_Kiwi83> da,m
Jerome_Kiwi83> Yeah!
NinaBwaite exits.
Jerome_Kiwi83 exits.

dad

2006-07-17T21:12:00.000+10:00

My dads' insane renovation-rampage continues!

First it started with the kitchen, now it has moved on to the bar. Today my dad ripped down the wallpaper behind the bar and painted it a nauseating light green. Now 99% of the house is nauseatingly shithouse! It's sure to increase the price of the house. Thanks dad! It's sure gonna be easy selling this house when you die. I wouldn't be surprised if he painted the saloon doors in the hall-way that laxitivating colour.

My dad ordered a "print" of the photo finish of the 2005 Melbourne Cup. This "print" that he ordered off the internet is a regular A4 page with the photo printed on by a domestic colour printer. Nice one dad! This "print" replaces the ye-olde coca-cola framed picture that we've had for centuries. That one was really terrible to look at. Thank god he got a shitty horse racing related picture. Good call dad! Now he's gonna get a bar fridge. As if he'll stock it up with piss. That costs too much! He'll probably put all of his "valuable" bottles of wine in there that he'll never drink, let alone sell. Nice work dad! Fill up a fridge with shit you aren't gonna use! Yeah!

Meanwhile my dad complains of our neighbour renovating stuff in his backyard because he has nothing else to do and he's doing it just for the sake of it. Yeah! You really are the master of logic dad!

Nerds

2006-07-10T22:32:00.000+10:00

During my time doing work for the dole, I have learnt the following useful facts that will increase my chances of employment:

Aliens built the great pyramids of Giza. It was a joint effort between the Egyptians and a species from another galaxy. This was because someone had to construct the crypts inside/below the pyramids. Additionally they never wrote about it as there is no hieroglyphic for an alien/UFO.
Ludwig van Beethoven was tone-deaf (not just deaf). This was despite him having perfectly healthy hearing for the first 20 or so years of his life and having displayed extraordinary musical talent at an early age.
Medieval role-playing is fucking dull. Dressing up in armour and partaking in gay sword battles sounds like a right-royal waste of humanity.
Nerds are enthusiastic about computer games to the point where they cannot stop discussing them. They debate about pointless little matters within games.
Nerds have a strange affinity for old, mechwarrior type games.
Nerds like Stargate SG-1. Why?
Nerds own shit movies on DVD like Club Dread.
Nerds carry around CD wallets full of CDs with pirated movies on them at ALL times.
Nerds like to show off their movie collections and brag about how much pirated shit they have.
Nerds enjoy burning CDs, not just for the purpose of storing data, but for the actual process of using a computer to burn a CD. They must like saying the word "burn".
Nerds sometimes dress in a black cape when it is raining.
Nerds are really annoying since you cannot have a normal conversation and talk about normal things. It always has to involve some technical thing and always involves a nerd's ego. "I've got a pentium intel athlon microfuckucessor." "Oh yeah? My 3D graphdickissomuchbiggercard is so fast!"
Nerds think they know everything including stuff that is not related to computers. This comes from their technical prowess in one topic (usually computers). Because they master this topic they think that any other topic is inferior, and hence an easy topic to "master".
Nerds get boners over the most trivial things, like what flavour of Linux they have.
Nerds have nothing but complete contempt for anything Microsoft related. They cannot talk about Microsoft products/practices without a hint of their bias.
Nerds don't know any good jokes. They do not understand the concept of humour sometimes.
Nerds don't swear as much as they should.
Nerds who smoke still aren't tolerable. I love 2nd hand smoke, but a nerd with a fag is just a fag.
Nerds complain about not being able to get a bus from Windsor to the city easily. This is despite me walking across the road, waiting 5-10 minutes and getting the next bus to the city.
Nerds just don't shutup about Centrelink screwing them over.
Nerds continually complain about Brisbane's public transport being inferior to Melbourne's. Christ. We don't have trams anymore.
Nerds like reading into terms and conditions on stupid, pointless things and complaining to helpdesk people about these stupid, pointless things. This goes to the extent of asking if their company has a legal team.
Nerds are perfectly happy wanking each other off (metaphorically) in a room all day.
Nerds complain about the Translink site even though they probably couldn't make it better. They then go to Melbourne's public transport site and say that it is so much better.
Nerds don't like bucking authority figures that are visible. They don't like using the internet when you're not supposed to.
Nerds eat junk food a lot. They cannot give the big "fuck you" to McDonalds or Hungry Jacks every once in a while. Even fat bitches eat junk food. They do not have the will power to seek alternative food sources.
Nerds must have the latest mobile phone. Anything less (particularly monophonic/LED phones) is a piece of crap. If you have a "crap" phone, you will be ridiculed and be made "inferior".
Nerds don't like Sony Walkmans made in the 90's. Apparently their sister has an mp3 player that is half the size of one and can do a trillion things more. They are unable to fathom the concept that I can't afford something like that because I haven't got a fucking job.
Nerds are insecure and like showing off in front of people they believe are "inferior" ie: me. They can show you a way to gain some fucking administrator privileges in Windows 2000 by using a tool they got off the Internet. Clever!
Nerds who are really, really into computers and think they know 'em soooo well and yet have not studied Computer Science at University are the most fucked up cunts I have ever been around.

In closing, I wish everyone involved with the BuildIT course at Cadet Training and Employment at Windsor to go fuck themselves, get a job and get the fuck away from me.

Thanks.

PS: Congratulations to the Socceroos for getting so far in the World Cup. I think Zidane expressed the feelings of Australian fans when he pulled this Tekken move:

By the way, I pulled an Amy and redesigned my blog.

World Cup

2006-06-13T01:38:00.001+10:00

Group F
Team	P	W	D	L	GD	Pts
Brazil	3	3	0	0	+6	9
Australia	3	1	1	1	0	4
Croatia	3	0	2	1	-1	2
Japan	3	0	1	2	-5	1

Amundsen update

2006-05-13T16:43:00.000+10:00

Terror charges have been laid against Mr. Amundsen. Wow!!! This is a really big deal now.

It looks like another blog has discovered the trainspotting-modeller theory. It's a plausible theory according to the people commenting here. Basically the theory suggests that John Amundsen is a very keen trainspotter who wishes to make a tv production involving explosions and shit. However this theory has a number of questions to be asked:

Why did he have so much explosive stuff? Did he really need that much for what he was doing?
What's he doing making email threats?
Why were there nails and razor blades in the bombs?

However a good point posed by this guy was:

...given the press’s sensationalist tendancies, it wouldn’t surprise me if “four Powergel charges and a supply of razor blades” was turned into “four complete bombs including one filled with razor blades” by the media.

He sure has a lot of explaining to do. It's gonna start getting really interesting when he starts presenting his case in court. We'll see where the trainspotting modeller theory fits in.

Amundsen

2006-05-10T23:51:00.000+10:00

Today in the news a guy in Aspley was arrested for possessing explosives. His name is John Amundsen. In his defence he claims that he was gonna use the explosives to blow up a car for a tv production. However some of the explosives had nails and razorblades in them.

So I did a bit of research on the guy. I found that a John Amundsen of Brisbane is a regular poster to the Cajon Pass Group. From what I gather, the group talks about this stretch of railway in California called the 'Cajon Pass'. The members of the group seem to like modelling this piece of railway, with 3d graphics and real-life models. So I searched around on that group and found every post made by John Admunsen. In most of his messages he talks about what he's modelling and asks questions to the group about what his details of the models should be. A typical post by him is like this:

Hi Josh

Like you i am modelling the Needles sub and the Barstow Hump Yard. I am finalising design of my double track mainline along a clasic 90's Route 66 with long stretches of mainline with Route 66 with highly signed and detailed patched highway, highway signs highly detailed trucks and well manicuded mainline ... I designed to build my own needles sub as i couldnt go to the real one often.. Just so i can go there whenever i feel like it ..Just to enjoy the Mojave and watch the long trains roll by..

Im working to develop a compressed Barstow with about 30 tracks and using three tracks round the hump hill as to give me easier in and out movements

Im working in great detail, putting in desert brush, sage buish and joshuas...

So we also enjoy detailed highway trucks

I also enjoy collecting pics of US Marine upgraded choppers like the Super Cobras
Talk again soon

John

A post of particular interest is this one. In it he talks about the logistics of coming over to the Cajon Pass and shooting some kind of video production.

Oversea's equipment carna on our camera platsforms and rigs and equipment sets $70,000 Aus dollars that 35,000 US. Sufficeient Post production to create a next step from Above Southern calfirnian rails $60.000 crew wages and trip costs of $40,000 US DOLLARS AND then these the insurance and accomoDation costs...Perhaps you guys could put my team up. The required camer plats for the choppers cost $3,000 a day US and the helo's are $200 an hour plus hire of the individual steady came platforms for whatever particular chopper Jetranger long Ranger Hughes 500 was used.

This post was made in 2003. Another one made at about this time is here. He talks about putting photos of his Cajon Pass model on his website (which I can't find). Of note is his use of fire in these photos:

The aim of the immediate Cajon fires page to give Cajon fans a historical look back for this rare event, from the camera perspectives of a rarely visiting Cajon enthusiast. Employing creative, unusual angles. And, at the same time, ‘introduce’ my work to the Cajon family. I believe my shot from Summit looking across to the San Gabriel’s, with burnt vegetation in the foreground as Dash 9’s blast past behind, does this. In some ways taking B&W with me was the astute call, given the then just extinguished fires.

One of his last posts was this one. Posted Mon Apr 24, 2006

Hi John

Sorry i havent had a chance to catch up herhaps we can in the next few weeks

John Amundsen

He seems like a crafty guy. Really into this railway shit. Fuck. I know I know very little about him, and what you can conclude from my little findings could be crap, but he does seem like he could be totally innocent. If he is innocent, then this is what has happenned:

Wanting to re-create some cool railway thingo, John Amundsen decides he needs to blow up an old car and use the burnt out car as some kind of prop to his production. He realises that he needs to get some explosives. Being a total amateur, he realises that he can only get them from a certain place if he fakes some information about himself. So he does that. He also realises he needs detonaters for them. So he gets them too.

This doesn't explain why there are nails and razorblades in them. Jesus. Some kind of special effect he wants? Nah that's pushing it.

All I want to know is the truth. Did he want to use those explosives for terrorist purposes or did he want to use it for totally legitimate reasons? All I want is the truth, and not the alarmist bull the media spews forth. In the next few days I'm sure the major news stations are gonna completely latch on to the fact that he owned a book called Bin Laden - Behind the Mask of the Terrorist. Get over it. Lots of people own books about nasty people. The fact that he is a contemporary terrorist makes all the difference doesn't it? Btw the book is about him written by someone else. It's fuckin' fact. Learn about your enemy goddammit.

END.

Detrain

2006-05-02T22:35:00.000+10:00

Yet another contribution to the world by me.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=detrain

Nationals

2006-04-17T16:17:00.000+10:00

I just came back from city hall where I played with QWAB in the 2006 Australian National Band Championships. It's a pretty big deal. Yesterday they had some gala concert with bands from Auckland and Osaka. QWAB doesn't travel anywhere so we can only play in this competition when it's based in Brisbane. The last time it was in Brisbane was 2001, and we came 3rd. About half the bands we were up against were from NSW while the others were from around Brisbane. We competed in the A Grade Concert Band section. Here's a list of who played:

1 City of Sydney Wind Ensemble
2 Queensland Wind and Brass
3 Sutherland PCYC Concert Band
4 Castle Hill RSL North West Wind Ensemble
5 Queensland Wind Orchestra
6 QYO Wind Symphony
7 State Schools Symphonic Wind Ensemble

We played four pieces. They were:

Glorious Victory - some gay march
Harrison's Dream - a fuckin hard piece that uses a 7/16 time signature
Amazing Grace - a really good arrangement of that song Americans love to death. uggh
Festival Variations - a rollicking bitch of a piece

I don't think we played particularly well. Lots of fuckups all round. However Amazing Grace was really good. It always is for us. The percussion provided was fantastic. I got to use a military snare drum for once.

I'll know the results later tonight probably. I'm guessing we came 5th.

Here's a couple of photos from our concert a couple of weeks ago:

I also finished an arrangement of a Philip Glass piece for concert band. It's the first time I've written something for so many parts. It only took me a week. It's here. I can't put it on SibeliusMusic.com though cos the composer hasn't been dead for 70+ years. It isn't out of copyright yet. I wish Mr. Glass would hurry up and die. Nah he's pretty good. He will be regarded as one of the most important composers of the 20th century imo when he kicks the bucket.

So yeah, I think I'll go for a bike ride now. Hej.

Sibelius

2006-04-02T22:45:00.000+10:00

I recently got Sibelius on my computer (Yeah it's named after a Finn Kristy how bout that). It's a professional music scoring program. I used it at uni a little bit. It's so cool. But the most awesome thing about it is that you can publish your original or arranged music online which people can buy, and if people buy your piece you get 50% royalties!

So I got an old music assignment, revised it a bit in Sibelius and submitted it. It's now on sale there for $1.95. Ha!

Here is a link to my song where you can buy it, and this is my stupid little page about me. You need a special plugin to view and play my arrangement.

Wikipedia

2006-03-26T23:34:00.000+10:00

I created my first page on wikipedia. I feel so important!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queensland_Wind_and_Brass

I'm not sure if it should be called: Queensland Wind and Brass or Queensland Wind and Brass Orchestra. Ah whatever.

When writing it I realised there's a fine line between advertising/promoting somthing and documenting something. I don't think it reads like an ad for us, but I wanna promote qwab as much as I can. We're really good dammit!

Our next concert is:

Saturday 8 April
From Mahler to the Movies
Gehrmann Theatre, Brisbane Girls Grammar
Gregory Terrace, 7:30pm

Concessions are $10 and adults are $15. Contact me if you wanna go.

my birthday

2006-03-21T23:45:00.000+10:00

My birthday movie is viewable here.

Redemption Song

2006-03-05T20:43:00.000+10:00

I've been listening to Johhny Cash and Joe Strummer's cover of Redemption Song all day. It was written by Bob Marley, but I like the cover better.

So I've been unemployed for 3 months now. Uggh. It's depressing but at the same time it is nice to be free from any stress. I really should be more creative while I've got the time. I've decided I'm going to write something for QWAB. I haven't written any music for 4 years. I think it's about time I give it another shot. I spose I didn't have any band to write for but I've suddenly just realised I play in a big orchestra, and they wouldn't mind playing something I wrote. It's a big thing to undertake though. I've never written music for an orchestra. I might just write it for brass/percussion.

I've recently adopted a synthesiser. QWAB purchased it when the band first started out in the early 90's. They didn't have much of a bass section, so they bought a bass synthesiser. However it didn't get used much and remained hidden away. A few weeks ago someone pulled it out and showed it to me. I asked if I could have it for a while. Here it is:

It's only a small one, but it's so cool. I really wanna buy it off them. It's worth $300 - $400 US according to vintagesynth.com. I have a feeling they're gonna undervalue it a shit load. Jeremy said something like $20. hehe. what a noob.

Oh actually QWAB was meant to play in the Queen Street Mall today. However it was cancelled due to rainy/windy weather. Our next gig is as thus:

Saturday 8 April
From Mahler to the Movies
Gehrmann Theatre, Brisbane Girls Grammar
Gregory Terrace, 7:30pm

It'll cost $10 I reckon. The germann theatre is really good. It's small and they provide percussion for you. Woo.

I also got a newly released Bill Hicks bootleg from 10/5/1993 which was just after he was cancelled from the David Letterman show. He talks about why he was cancelled; trying to get his Dad to do mushrooms and how the Greeks used to say sexually absurd material in order to exercise the shame out of themselves. He also raves about Noam Chomsky. I haven't read a thing by him. I've been meaning to for years.

In one bit Bill's Dad asks what happens when you take mushrooms. Bill says:

Your mind completely opens up to the true nature of our existence which is that we are not bodies, that we are pure loving sprit created by God. God is love and there is nothing but love, and love being all encompassing has no opposite. You are completely forgiven on all things, there is nothing you've ever done that has ever swayed God's pure and unconditional love for you and you realise that eternity and peace and heaven is our inheritance and all of us are gonna make it there.

Fuck yeah. That's why I like him so much. I love his ideas. That and his dick jokes, which are A-number-1.

arrangements of colour

2006-02-15T22:48:00.000+10:00

I don't know any muslims but I'd like to know if the following cartoons are offensive. The first one is obviously pretty nasty but the second one is kinda funny. I've scrubbed out Mohammed in both of them. The point I'm trying to make is this:

Do Muslims find these cartoons offensive because they show Mohammed or because they're critical/satirical of Islam as a religion?

If they are offensive just because they show Mohammed then I can see why Muslims would get upset. But if it's for the latter reason then I really can't see why they're such a big deal. Making fun of religion is a pretty elementary thing. To me anyway.

In the words of Rowan Atkinson:

The freedom to criticise ideas – any ideas – even if they are sincerely held beliefs – is one of the fundamental freedoms of society and a law which attempts to say you can criticise or ridicule ideas as long as they are not religious ideas is a very peculiar law indeed.

shit

2006-02-12T23:03:00.000+10:00

where i've been:

shit

By the same guy who wrote that visited map thing comes this. Enter in any sentence/words and it'll search google and write the next word. Enter in "The meaning of life is". wow!

&lt;br&gt;

Google talk a
Google Hack by
Douwe Osinga

gta

2005-12-15T21:40:00.000+10:00

darcy sent this. it cracks me up.

travel

2005-11-17T23:22:00.000+10:00

Choose a band/artist: TISM

Answer the following questions ONLY using titles of their songs

1. Are you male or female? the penis is mightier than the sword
2. Describe yourself: i shit me
3. How do some people feel about you? i might be a cunt but i'm not a fucking cunt
4. How do you feel about yourself? i wish i'd slept with more girls
5. Describe your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend: mein kampf fire
6. Describe your current (or not really existent) boyfriend/girlfriend: if you're ugly, forget it
7. Describe where you want to be: i go to werribee
8. Describe how you live: a hard earned thirst needs a big cold beer, but i drink to get pissed
9. What would you ask for if you had just one wish? defecate on my face
10. Share a few words of wisdom: describe the worst headjob i've had? fantastic!
11. Now say goodbye: kill americans

that last one is dedicated to sarah. they're all around you! go for it! :P

I've never seen a friend or family member off at the international airport before. Seeing sarah fly off to the other side of the world got me thinking about where I'd like to travel. I really don't know. New York would be the only place I'd travel to if I had to go to the US. But I felt I've lived American culture through TV my entire life. I have to go to Melbourne one day. It's not very far. It's the home of TISM ffs! I'd really like to get my picture taken near that sign in Springvale. What a fucking cultural icon!

England? Maybe. Scandanavia? I'm sure kristy will convince me that i should go there. New Zealand? I'd love to go snowboarding. Japan? Looks crazy!!! I can't imagine surviving in a non-English speaking country, but it can't be that hard.

The soccerroos finally made it into the world cup finals after 32 years of trying. It's a real shame Johnny Warren isn't still around to see this. It's such a huge achievement. The last time Australia was in the world cup they drew one game 0-0 and lost the rest. I'm sure they can do better next year in Germany. Ooohh Germany. I knew a guy at uni from Flensburg. It has the world's largest mail-order adult shop. Cool!

in other news... i finished uni on tuesday. hurrah! i rock. I'll be graduating on december 12th at 11am. I think I'll miss the lifestyle of university when I get a job. Uni is a total bludge cos you don't have to go to lectures, but it can be very stressful cos you end up putting off assignments till the last minute. But I'm looking forward to the money that a job pays. I'll be able to travel and buy shit I usually don't get cos I'm a scungy bastard.

I also sent a job application to this fuckin crazy place that makes pokie machine games. Crazy! What kinda job is that? Making pokie machine games?!?!? What the fuck!?!?! I want in!!! I wanna be in the business of taking money from stupid people!

I saw a clockwork orange yesterday and the day before. It wasn't as good as I was hoping. But I saw it twice, so it wasn't too bad. The violence in it isn't that shocking by today's standards. Most of the violence in it was against women, so I can see how some people might be put off. Also the famous aversion therapy scene wasn't as good as I hoped. I've seen so many parodies of it that I thought it would totally pwn. Oh well. I really loved the language in it. That was the best part.

Walk around my model!

2005-11-12T14:30:00.000+10:00

I got a vrml copy of my model back from the lecturer. To view the model you need to get a vrml plugin for your browser. You can get one here. Then you can go here and walk around the model! Bitchin'! It'll take a while to load the textures though. Look at the Skyline in the carpark. Listen to the birds chirping in the tree. Look at the gaping holes in the ground. Look at the four walls of the sky. Oh yeah!

my kewl model

2005-11-02T20:05:00.000+10:00

Had another shitty day which started with me trying to go from the front carriage of a train to the back carriage (cos Sarah was in the last carriage). I got off at Sunshine and tried to get into the last 3 carriages but the fricken door wouldn't open. Fuck off. I've done that before. So yeah I met Sarah and Kristy in the city. We went to their gay uni. I had lunch there. We then left their gay uni and I caught the bus to my gay uni. I went to the printery at my gay uni to collect and pay for 2 copies of my un-gay thesis. It cost a bit more than I thought. Oh well. I went to the gay ITEE office to hand in one copy of my thesis but found out they needed two of the fuckers. I whispered under my breath "that's gay". I wished I said that louder. I then realised I should've put all the code of my thesis on a CD to hand in with my printed thesis. But I really didn't see the point cos I already emailed that to paul bailes. Fuck off. I'm proud that I'm not doing things cos I don't see the point to them.

So after that ordeal I saw 2 groups for my modelling and visualization course do their big demo. They both sucked. I ended up talking to the two lecturers for the course. Definitely the highlight of the day. I was telling them how I downloaded this uber-cool modelling program called Maya and somehow the two lecturers said this:

"Maya sucks!"
"Yeah but you're so dumb you need to use two hands to jerk off"
"That's because I have such a big dick!" *motions jerking off with two hands*
"A guy who talks about his dick like that is seriously hung like a seahorse"
me: "I'm learning so much!"

So I got onto talking about how I wanted to export my model to VRML. The guy with the two-span-long-wang said I could email it to him and he could do it for me. Cool. I'll be able to host my model somewhere and anyone with a VRML plugin can walk around the model I did. I'll also be able to put it on my resume and apply to games companies. Maybe. Well that's a bit of a pipe dream.

Here's some pictures of my model. It's good eh? Yeah! Cept the lighting on the buildings are a bit rooted.

shittiest day ever!

2005-10-27T12:01:00.000+10:00

so i got to uni at 8am this morning for my thesis presentation. i get on a computer and open up my thesis project in internet explorer. my thesis resides on a web server on my computer at home so you can access it anywhere. so anyway i try and run my thesis program from uni... and... it motherfuckin' doesn't work!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i start sweating, my heart races and i start to get angry at myself. i figured that my dad might be able to fix the problem, so i ring home, but he's not there. at 9am i go to paul bailes's office and explain my predicament. he gives me two cabcharge vouchers paid for by UQ. I go to the cab rank near the bus stop and get a taxi home. i converse about music, bands, gigs and the drunk weirdo he picked up at 4am. i get home, i fix the server problem in 15 minutes, i get back in the taxi and we speed off back to uni. the cab ride cost $81.50. i get back to the innovation expo centre. i find out that there is no power to any of the computers on my desk!!!! i meet kristy, sarah and darcy briefly. i find another computer and demo my thesis to my examiner for 30 minutes. i recline in a chair. exhausted. it's only midday.

drugs

2005-10-18T23:31:00.000+10:00

Had a weird conversation with my dad over dinner tonight. We were watching the news on tv, and it was talking about the Bali 9 trial yada yada and how the australian government tipped off the authorities in Bali. Then my dad says: "Why can the federal police help catch drug smugglers in Bali yet do nothing about drug dealers on the streets in Sydney!!!" He was reffering to an ACA bit about drug dealers. So then my dad says to me:

"Craig, have you been offered to buy drugs from people? At parties?"
Me: "Geez not to buy no!"
"But have you been offered any drugs by anyone?"
"Sure I have!"
"And what do you say to those people?"
"Let me have some! hahahaha!!!"
"Hey stop kidding around"
"Who's kidding?"

At this point my dad is looking away and I'm looking at my mum and she's half laughing. Cos I've sorta admitted to my mum that I've smoked marijuana, and she couldn't care less, cos she's cool. At this point I feel I have to stand up for myself:

"Dad I don't think you know what drugs are"

I was thinking of other philosophical stuff to say. I should've said something like this, but I didn't:

"Dad, there's a lot of grey area in drugs. Like with alcohol (which is also a drug, duh) people can abuse them and enjoy them. Having smoked it a few times I didn't feel any addiction towards it. It was interesting when I smoked it, but I wish I wasn't drinking at the time. It didn't lead me on to harder drugs like heroin. I'd never do heroin or anything needle pointy like that. And I got drugs from people I trust. From people I've known for years. Yeah Dad I've done drugs, big fucking whoopee."

So I'm guessing my dad hasn't done anything as cool as doing drugs. Oh well. He saw the Beatles and Louis Armstrong at Festival Hall. I spose that's pretty cool. But geez my dad is so clueless about drugs.

puzzle

2005-10-10T19:17:00.000+10:00

This paragraph is kind of unusual. To work out what's wrong with it, study it and think about it. It looks normal and you may think nothing at all is odd or unusual about it, but it is. I will not coach or hint to you as to what is not ordinary, you must work it out using logic and skill. Good luck!

Nearing the end of student life

2005-09-20T23:46:00.000+10:00

I will graduate from University in less than three months time. Huzzah! Once I do Craig "BE (Software) Hons IIB" Curtis will have to find a job. Awww, I'm working on that.

It is research week at UQ this week, and I've been thinking about postgraduate stuff. I really don't want to do postgraduate work atm. I want to get a job and start earning some simolians. But I think I'd like to do postgraduate stuff one day in the future. However I probably wouldn't do any computerish stuff again. What else could I do? I don't know. In a way I'm jealous of people like my thesis supervisor. They've found something they love doing, and are exceptionally good at it. They've pursued it to the highest level, by getting a PhD and no longer having that awful title of Mr attached to their name, as Professor Bailes once reminded me. By the way, what's the difference between a Dr. and a Professor? Do they both do PhD's? I'd like to know.

In other news the Qld Wind and Brass will be making a recording for 4MBS very soon. I've never been part of a performance which was solely to be recorded. It'll feel like I'm recording a movie soundtrack! Well I'll pretend I am. Amongst others we'll be playing The Flying Dutchman by Wagner. That one kicks arse!!! Every Wagner song reminds me of Nazis. Fucking Nazis. That and the Luftwaffe. Which makes perfect sense cos Wagner knew Hitler personally.

Oh and Amy just to answer your comment about me not getting art: I've been a student of the musical arts for 11 years now. I do get that art. I don't get a lot of visual art though. I think it's a bit wanky. But tons of music is wanky as well. Fuck it, all art is wanky. Except TISM. hmmm. That's less wanky.

Trusted Computing

2005-09-03T15:21:00.000+10:00

Last week I completed a report on the Trusted Computing Platform Alliance for uni. I thought I'd share some of it with you. I was supposed to be objective in the report. I tried, though I think some bits were too opinionated. I don't care. So here is the section on the political effects of trusted computing. I figured out how much money the TCG gets by myself. hehe, I'm nuts.

I'm also proud that I included the phrase "Deep Throat" in it. Yeah!!!

Social and Political effects

It can be noted that the TCG (Trusted Computing Group) is associated with some of the computing world’s heavyweight companies. This consists of 7 promoter members, 73 contributor members and 38 adopter members [8]. The predicted total income from its members is approximately $1.5 million per year (see Appendix B). Some of the promoter members of the TCG include Microsoft, Hewlett Packard, Sun Microsystems and Sony. Some of the perks for being a promoter member include:

Permanent seat on the TCG Board of Directors
Propose and approve changes to TCG's organization and purpose
Review and comment on new Specifications and design guides prior to their adoption

With this power, there is a risk a company may impose its ideas on the TCG for its own benefit. They could apply pressure on the TCG because they are paying for the TCG’s very existence. Any opposition to a company’s ideas could be seen as detrimental to the TCG movement in general. A culture of peddling to the elitist members of the TCG may start a wave of anti-competitiveness if TPM chips were widely implemented. This would be particularly detrimental to companies not in the TCG at all.

Appendix A

Sources

With TCPA being such a controversial method of computer security, it is common to find biased and misleading views on the subject. It is also important to determine the criteria for judging various sources.

Against TCPA

The website Against TCPA is a good example of a misleading source [1] At first glance, the header of the website uses alarmist punctuation to accentuate its point of view: “TCPA would TAKE your FREEDOM!”. Furthermore, the site provides links to buy such books as Nineteen Eighty-Four and A Brave New World. These are books which describe a bleak existence in a futuristic, totalitarian state. The site emphasizes its point of view by associating itself with such classic novels. However, more importantly, the site makes some bogus claims about the consequences of TCPA. For example:

“The liberty of opinion and the free speech on the internet would finally be eliminated”

While TCPA may certainly compromise free speech if implemented, it would certainly not “eliminate” all free speech. An information source needn’t jump to apocalyptic conclusions when discussing the negative implications of something. For a source to be objective, it must remain reasonable. It must not emphasize negative points any more than the positive ones. This quality helps to constitute an objective source, which Against TCPA is most certainly not.

For TCPA

On the opposite side of the opinion spectrum is the official site for the TCG [7]. As mentioned previously, the TCG is influenced by its 118 company members. Therefore it is against the agenda of its members to promote any anti-TCG views/opinions on its official website. The website ends up serving as more of a corporate sponsored advertisement for trusted computing. For example, the index page declares:

Systems and applications based on Trusted Computing Group specifications can:

Enhance network security
Protect digital identities

Bland phrases like “Enhance network security” should be omitted and replaced with more descriptive sentences. How does it enhance security? What do you mean by enhance? That being said, the official website is an authoritative source for specifications of the TCG.

For an in-depth analysis of TCG, one must look to an independent source. However with independence comes loss of authoritativeness. Against TCPA is written by an anonymous source/s whose expertise on the subject of computer security is doubtful. Of course there have been classic examples of authoritative, independent, anonymous sources. The information leaked by Deep Throat led to the Watergate scandal and eventually the resignation of President Nixon. If a source is anonymous it does not necessarily mean it is not authoritative. But ideally, an equal balance between authoritativeness and objectivity should be found. Only then can a source be considered of good quality.

Appendix B

The amount of money contributed towards the TCG was compiled from its official list of members [8] and its annual membership costs [9]. It was calculated that the money owed by all the members of the TCG could range from $1 483 000 to $1 730 000 annually.

Ekka

2005-08-16T23:55:00.000+10:00

Time for the monthly blog post. This Saturday I'll be going to QPAC Concert Hall to witness the final of the Lev Vlassenko Piano Competition. It's a biannual competition, and I saw it last time. A 16 year old kid won and got about $10 000. It's dominated my Asians.

While I'm excited about that, I'm infinitely more excited about seeing NIN next Monday. I've been waiting 5 years to see them.That's a quarter of my life. Jesus, well that's what happens when you live in Australia. I'm a total sucker for cool light displays at gigs, and NIN have some of the best I've ever seen. I'm hoping for lotsa keyboard trashing and misc drunken behaviour.

Last night I went to the Ekka. There were lots of little things I remembered from the last time I went, which was a very long time ago. For example, some of the signs in the showbag pavilion; this little shower head display which compares the volume of water produced; the monkey race up the pole game in sideshow alley and just the general layout of the place. It was nice. Before the fireworks display I tried to imagine Don Bradman facing England on the RNA showgrounds oval. He made his test debut there. I also imagined what it would be like going to Livid. I always wanted to go to one, because: "It's like the Big Day Out, but it's a bloody lot closer!!!". However I've never liked the bands that play at Livid.

Also at the Ekka we managed to talk to Jabba, who used to be on channel-v before it got all crap. He was hanging around the Nova showbag stand. I managed to weave TISM into the conversation and found out he probably saw them, unmasked, at an airport. Other highlights were watching a guy chuck up near us, and Jabba hinting that he doesn't like a certain high-profile channel-v host. Hehe.

On the right I've added a bit of javascript which displays a random quote. I managed to find a quote my thesis supervisor made in a lecture from 1988. What a legend. Every few months he travels to Beijing. I've gotta ask him what he does there.

Also, I'm writing my thesis atm, and of course I have to use double line spacing. Which looks like this:

According to Sterling [2], controlling backtracking and good goal ordering are important concepts for designing efficient Prolog programs. He argues that goals should fail as early as possible. This reduces the number of recursive calls made, and leads to more “correct” Prolog programs.

Why the hell do you need to space out lines like that? This absurdity leads to another theory:

Theory #3Academics use double line spacing to give the impression they have accomplished a lot more work than they have actually done.

Stupid smartarse uni people.

Topology

2005-07-19T23:03:00.000+10:00

I saw Topology last Saturday at the Powerhouse. They also performed with this young girl, Kate Miller-Heidke. She's a slightly mainstream, though kinda peculiar solo singer. They sure did own. This is what they played:

Some Michael Nyman piece
Some Topology originals
Kate Miller-Heidke songs backed by Topology
Bjork songs with Topology and Kate

Unravel
Play Dead

Tortured remixes:

I can't get no satisfaction (with Kate)
Staying Alive (with Kate)
We Will Rock You
Mamma Mia

Their covers of popular songs kick so much arse. Full of sharp, dissonant sounds and yelling from the band members. Hearing that Rolling Stones song sung by a girl was fkn hillarious. I hope they put that on a future recording.

During interval the saxophonist John Babbage was selling CDs. So I bought one of theirs and had a chat with him, complementing on how great the Michael Nyman pieces sound, and that they played at my school in 1999. Hurrah, I'm such a fan.

This Friday and Saturday they're doing a concert with Tyrone from that seminal Brissy band George. I might go. Dunno what they're playing though.

Oh and I finally share a birthday with a celebrity I half care about: Michael Nyman. I should try and listen to his stuff more.

sciency stuff

2005-06-18T00:10:00.000+10:00

Last Thursday, an occultation occurred between the moon and Jupiter. Jupiter is that tiny little spec in the pictures below. I was expecting something cool to happen, but it was just a tiny white spec dissappearing behind the moon. Pfft, I'm stupid.

I just discovered google maps. You can fuckin look at satellite photos which cover the entire world. Holy crap. It's so detailed, you can see cars on the street. I've located my house, The University of Queensland, Lang Park, Statue of Liberty, where the World Trade Centre towers were, the landscape in Iceland used in the Bjork film clip for Joga, and Wimbledon. You can zoom in on everything except Antartica. I'm sure you can't look at certain bits though. Like Area 51, or anything Military-ish.

Well I must study for my last exam on Thursday. Hurrah!

e^procrastination + 3(exams) = n! (where n = me stressing out heaps)

2005-06-14T23:10:00.000+10:00

I just started playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. I played it the entire day and didn't study at all. Cool. I'm seeing Bailes tomorrow, got a test on Thursday, and I'm not feeling that great about it. All I need is 40% on it to pass the course. It's an interesting subject, but the maths is a bit too much for me.

Here's something interesting for TISM fans, penned by Damian Cowell. It details their trip to the Earthcore festival in Victoria. He talks about TISM walking unmasked through the crowds at the festival. No one notices them of course. Oh I hope they've still got the energy to do another tour here. They are so good.

Oh yeah, I went a bit over the top with javascript in my template. I made a NIN concert countdown, a Smoking Gun news feed on the side and a live picture telling you the current weather in Brisbane.

look at me, aren't I great?

2005-06-11T16:04:00.000+10:00

I finally got the mark back for my Web Information Systems assignment. I seriously did weeks of work on that, and I ended up enjoying working on it. I got 28.5/30! It's worth 30% of the course overall, so that's a friggen lot. But then the tutor for the subject posted this on the newsgroup:

Hi all,

I forget to mention the highest marks.

For both INFS3202 and INFS7202, the highest mark is 28.5% (1 in each course).

I've never gotten the highest marks in any uni course before, so I'm very proud. But there's still a 52% exam for it, so that could screw me over.

If this blog allowed me to put javascript in my posts, I'd start a 'X days until NIN concert' counter.

I just figured I can put javascript in the template. Wacky do.

ye olde stories

2005-05-30T21:54:00.000+10:00

So I came home today and found my grandma was gonna have dinner with us. She told us a couple of stories we had never heard. The first one was about her singing in a choir, and singing solo at a concert for Forgan Smith, the then premier of Queensland. Although the most amazing one was about living in Bethany when she was little. She told us she played with none other than (Sir) Joh Bjelke-Peterson, who was about her age. This prompted questions from my family such as: "So when did you realise he was corrupt?".

I started a new blog. I haven't done much work on it yet, but its' gonna be a political/issues themed blog. I hope I don't turn into a bleeding heart and bitch about every little problem in the world. The idea came to me when I was misplacing items at Coles and shouting aloud "fight the system! fuck the system!". Furthermore, in the line at the cinema, I was jumping up and down gesturing the people ahead of me to stop buying popcorn; buy your tickets and get the fuck outofmyway! Argh! I've been so pissed lately. I have to do something about it.

your death, and how to cope with it

2005-05-22T17:33:00.000+10:00

today I played in the queen street mall. We sounded rather grandioso, although I fucked up one bit in Rhapsody in Blue.

So I saw this article about how death may not be such a career killer. It immediately made me think of Red Dwarf, where Rimmer dies, and is given a book called "your death and how to cope with it".

On Thursday it fuckin snowed in Brisbane. At least it looked like it. I was going home from uni on Thursday night, in the bus. Lots of crazy shit happenned! The bus crashed into a sign. I saw cars bogged in the snow/hale. I saw ice right down the middle of coronation drive. I saw sheets of white covering what used to be green grass. It was the coolest weather I have ever been amongst in my life. I wish that happenned more often. Oh god what if that happenned during State of Origin?! Fuck! All Thursday night I was just thinking: "What the fuck's going on?!?!?! Waaaaaaaaah?????"

ADDENDUM:
I've recently been thinking about some theories which I've hypothesised.

Theory #1If the "eat fresh" fast food chain Subway is still around after 10 years, they will have turned into an unhealthy, McDonalds style, fast food joint. In the year 2015, Subway will have undergone McDonaldization. Thanks to Kristy, we discovered that Subway's "6 grams of fat or less in each Sub" is misleading, since that statement only applies to 6-inch subs! It's Subway-gate! It's a conspiracy! They're lying to us! In the year 2015, Subway will proudly announce that their Subs don't have any fat, but in reality they contain other bad shit. Consumer rights groups will sue Subway in 2016 because their siblings gotten fat from eating Subway everyday. Normal people will then criticise those groups and say "Nah shit Subway's bad for you! Duh!".

Theory #2The Ministry of Sound is a prominent dance label/club. The thing that intrigues me is where they got their name. When I first heard their name, I immediately thought of Orwell's nineteen-eighty-four, since in that book, there are many ministries within Oceania's government. These are:

Ministry of Peace (maintains peace in Oceania through continuous war)
Ministry of Truth (deletes the past to confirm what the government of Oceania says is true)

As you can see, each ministry accomplishes its goal through that goal's exact opposite. So what if a Ministry of Sound existed in Oceania? Perhaps it might broadcast utterly shite music to Oceania's population? Wouldn't it destroy all of what is good in music in order to create music? If I can prove that the founders of The Ministry of Sound got that name from 1984, I'm a fucking genius.

2005-05-19T12:10:00.000+10:00

!!!!!!!!!

2005-05-16T09:40:00.000+10:00

from the ninhotline again:

An insider that works for Brisbane Entertainment Center has confirmed that NIN will be playing the venue on the 22nd of August. Yes, this year.
(Remember that this information is subject to change, as we're not strictly supposed to know about tour dates before they go up on nin.com!)

Nice one! Thanks Superjudge!

yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Einstein Factor

2005-05-15T19:32:00.000+10:00

Just saw the Einstein Factor on the ABC. A guy's specialty subject was Bill Hicks, and he won! Good for him. So that means he'll be on the show again in a while. I impressed my family with how many questions I got right. Which is kinda weird cos previously I thought I didn't know what specialty subject I'd be good at. But I knew lots of stupid Bill Hicks facts. I also know a fair bit of TISM stuff I spose. But I doubt they'd ask questions like "What was the author of the book the feminist was reading while she chewed on Ron's knob?" or "True or false, did TISM do an interview in a restaurant where the interviewer was wearing a wet suit?"

Oh I want to be on a quiz show, but they're all down south. Damn.

NIИ

2005-05-12T12:39:00.000+10:00

from the ninhotline:

Nine Inch Nails will be taking their With Teeth: 2005 Tour to the East Coast of Australia in late August.
According to a reliable source, venues are the Hordern Pavillion in Sydney and the Rod Laver Arena in Melbourne, with other cities to be confirmed.

Keep in mind that until a press release is sent out to the mainstream media, all details are subject to change.

Woo!! Jesus they'd better play Brisbane, or I'll be mighty cranky. I missed out on seeing them at the 2000 Big Day Out. Largely because I didn't even know them back then. If they come to Brisbane they'll probably play the Convention Centre. The last concert I saw their was utterly shite. Oh well. NIN have the craziest light show I've ever seen, on their DVD anyway. I'm very much looking forward to this.

So I was in the main refectory/cafeteria at my uni today. And I noticed 2 large posters on the wall. The red poster (which is the "club" colour of the uq union) said: "What compulsory student unionism does" and it listed many many positive facts about the uq union. With each fact having a smaller font size as it listed down the page, as if indicating "wow that's a lot of facts". However, the other poster was black (suggesting bad, negative, motherfuckin' evil) , and titled: "What voluntary student unionism does". It simply had one sentence that said something like: "VSU deprives students of important stuff, and it's bad!!! bad!!!!!!!" That's the general jist I got from it.

It just really bugged me that the 2nd poster didn't have any positive facts about VSU and the 1st didn't have any negative. Shouldn't you present the good and bad of each side? I realise I'm a hypocritical bastard, since I did those "free Schapelle Corby!!! rar!!!" posts. Oh well.

Jesus christ I'm sorry. I'm gonna make a non-political post one day, I swear.

fuck off union people

2005-04-28T21:23:00.000+10:00

The Schapelle Corby saga is really ticking me off. I'm seriously getting angry just thinking about it. Corby gave a personal appeal the judges today, declaring her innocence. [1]

"I'd like to say to the prosecutors, I cannot admit to a crime I did not commit. To the judges - my life at the moment is in your hands but I'd prefer it if my life was in your hearts"

At times, the Judges "made asides to each other, smiled wryly and one read a book on philosophy" Jesus! What balls! I thought Indonesians valued politeness. After all, it was partly her politeness in court which provoked the prosecution to not demand the death penalty. [2]

I don't know why they didn't take fingerprints off the bag with the Marijuana in it. If it were found that no fingerprints of hers were on it, then thay would be rather strong evidence, wouldn't it?

The prosecution believes "The defendant's actions can ruin the image of Bali as a tourist destination" However if found guilty, this trial would do more damage to Bali than any drugs could.

I've decided to leave my "Schapelle's innocent" banner until she's out of jail and back in Australia. Which could take 40 years or so. Hmm, well this is my little protest for the day. As if Indonesian Judges are gonna read this. As if writing this is gonna help Schapelle. Pffft, I'm trying.

Well there's my completely one sided argument begging for Schapelle's freedom. I'd rather talk about this than student unionism. Fuck VSU, this is more important.

corby

2005-04-22T20:12:00.000+10:00

I emailed Bailsey my thesis progress report today. Good to get that out of the way.

This Schapelle Corby thing is getting close to a final verdict. It's looking as if she'll receive a life sentence. Christ. That's fucked. In my opinion, the court in which the trial is being heard looks so pathetic. Semi-outdoors, phones going off all the time, that's shite! You can't have a fair trial in those conditions.

Russel Crowe has spoken publicly about it. He said this:

"The due process of Indonesian law we have to respect from an international relations point of view but from my individual point of view, looking at it, it's like it's bullshit, let's deal with it."

Take 'em on Russ! Fight those Indonesians! Foighting reeound the weeorld!!! Did he quit his band and join The John Butler Trio? Anyway, if Corby does get sentenced to life in jail, I'll be bitching about it on here.

tests! reports! exams! assignments!

2005-04-20T19:15:00.000+10:00

I have an algorithms and data structures exam tomorrow. Reccurences, asymptotic time complexity, theta notation... that subject has it all! Actually, I learnt that the fastest a computer can multiply two numbers of n digits each is O(n log n log log n). Also, the fastest algorithm for the travelling salesman problem is O(n!). Wow! That's slow! Wow! I sound like Eliza!

Amidst all the chaos of University, I managed to begin reading "The Metamorphosis", by Franz Kafka. The opening sentence is:

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect."

Fuckin insane.

I got my three Henry Rollins tickets today in the mail. I'm in row BB, which is the 5th row. Pretty good. Cog are also playing at the Zoo this Friday. I might go, I've already seen em twice though. meh.

Anyway, I must get back to work.

You've unreased the fooking foury!

2005-04-18T17:48:00.000+10:00

I've caught a cold that my Dad has. Fucking great. Today I had a Computer Networks II test. I went alright. Though I felt there were too many C code questions. I wanted more on queing theory, which I've become rather good at.

After that I went into HMV and looked for stuff to get with my $30 HMV voucher. The following items took my fancy:

Herbie Hancock live DVD - $15
Atari Teenage Riot: The Future of War - $5
G3 DVD, (Joe Satriani, Steve Vai and Yngwie Malmsteen) - $26

If you wanna hear Yngwie bitch like a little girl, download this: Yngwie was on a flight to Tokyo, and the waitress spilt water on him. You hear Yngwie saying "See you in Tokyo bitch!!! You've unreased the fooking foury!!!". Hillarious.

Bernard

2005-04-13T22:44:00.000+10:00

Yesterday I had a mild brush with fame. Sorta. I walked past Bernard Hoey of Topology just as I got off the bus in the city. He was carrying his viola case and wearing a Tutti con Brio shirt. Their Perpetual Motion Machine cd is one of the best cds I've bought in a long while. It was recorded at QUT I do believe.

Yesterday I did some mild clothes shopping, looking for cool jackets in Myer and Target. Places where I can use Amy's gift card. Thanks again Amy. A pin stripe jacket took my fancy, but it looked too swish to wear everyday to uni. Meh.

I've applied for a few graduate positions lately. ANZ, Honeywell and Orica. Honeywell supply military equipment for the US, so I read. Jeebus. I'll apply for one down in Canberra, but I don't wanna move away from Brisbane for my first job. I'd be all scared and lonely.

I've been monitoring my mobile phone usage pedantically ever since I got it. I should be fine. I reckon I'll go through $30 every 2/3 months. I've used $3.37 over a week. And about 60c I accidentally used to record myself ordering Henry Rollins tickets. I left that on Rhodri's voicemail. I'm not used to mobiles yet. So a generous estimate: $3.37 x 4 weeks = $13.48 per month. $30 / $13.48 = 2.225 months of usage.

I also bought 3 Henry Rollins spoken word tickets. I'm so sly. I was about to order some crappy seats, but then I asked if he was doing another show. Annnnd he was, although it wasn't announced yet. They tickets were to go on sale tomorrow. So the nice Tivoli lady got me front row seats for the unannounced concert.

From the Tivoli ste:

No Support No Interval
Tuesday 24th May
& WEDNESDAY 25TH MAY
(New Date Released)
Doors: 7.00pm
Showtime: 8.00pm
Tickets: $45.65
All ages, Must be accompanied by a adult
Reserved Seating

Muhahaha. I rock.

I did so much stuff yesterday, but I've done fuck all today. Uggh. I feel sick.

2 degrees of separation

2005-04-07T21:19:00.000+10:00

I met someone very interesting on the train home today. I was with these 2 girls who I knew from my music subject last year. I was showing them my phone and using the composer function, jamming along with their phone which played a nice polyphonic rhythm section. Suddenly, this fellow sitting across the aisle from me, starts talking to me. Our conversation went as thus:

stranger: "Are you a dj?"
me: "No I play a real instrument: Guitar"
*The train leaves Roma St. Station*
"Oh cool cool... hey don't give that up. Don't give up playing guitar, or playing music. God I knew some people. They were in uni, but they dropped out to play in a band. I used to play with them sometimes. It totally shocked their parents that they quit uni just to form a band. But ya know, they knew what they were doing, because, you see, they went on to become Powderfinger"

This guy immediately has my full attention. Fark. It seemed very orchestrated, the way he said how he knew Powderfinger. But I believed him. He seemed genuine. He seemed their age. It was weird that he said this to me near Roma St. I'm gonna write everything he said to me, before I forget it.

He started off saying he went to school with them. And he used to jam with the Powderfinger guys. He said that he doesn't see them very much now. I asked: "Do they play in America a lot nowadays?" "Oh well they still play at a place in Samford". He later said: "If you ever meet Powderfinger, just drop the name Luba. That was my nickname in school. My name's Stuart. But I'm sure they'll remember me"

He was going on a tangent about how he plays guitar now, with other people. I wanted to know more about Powderfinger. I asked him what the Powderfinger guys did at uni. He said:
"Oh ummm ummm *thinking thinking* I think Bernard was doing journalism. And someone was doing economics?" He didn't seem very sure. But I really did believe him. He mentioned a lot about Ian from Powderfinger. I just nodded, cos I only know of Bernard

I quizzed him about how he got to play with Powderfinger.

"Oh one time they played in this old, empty firehouse in *suburb I forget*. They were about 20 girls there listening to them intently. I figured they were their goupies. They asked me to play with them, because I had my guitar with me. So I did. I was shy ya know. I wish I had a 20 metre lead so I could play in the corner."

He later said that the songs that Powderfinger wrote for their first album were written in the 80's. Such a long time ago. I laughed. I asked him if he thought Powderfinger used a riff that was written by him in one of their songs.

"Oh no, I could never write songs. I could always provide a backing to something. I never wrote anything"

I was talking about how I saw Powderfinger at the Big Day Out. I was sinuating that "I didn't hate Powderfinger!". He said how he saw The Cure in the 80's, 1983? And some other notable bands.

I started talking about the problems I had when I was playing in bands in high school. Playing in a tiny room, it's always loud. You can't hear anyone talk.

"Yes yes. I know what you mean. And you need to find a good drummer. A lot of drummers a psycho"

I said that I played drums in an orchestra. He asked me if I wanted to play drums in some band of his. I said that I didn't have a drumkit, I just did orchestral percussion. Ah.

He got off at Wooloowin station. I shook his hand, and he reminded me to namecheck Luba to them. I assured him I would. And so that ended one interesting conversation. Wow. I'm 2 degrees from Powderfinger now. Quite amazing. The people you meet on a train.

Butterfly

2005-04-04T19:33:00.000+10:00

After uni I trekked out to the backyard to find stuff to photograph. I saw a butterfly and stalked it for a while until it landed on the lemon tree. I got as close as I could to it and zoomed in about 8x. I photographed like mad and this was the best shot I got of it.

Oooh check out my uber stylish thumbnail!!!

Thankyou for reading my incredibly freaky lego post. I'm thinking of creating some more bizzare fiction like that. Maybe "The Complete and unabridged history of Legoland: Nazis out of the closet" Either that or do my thesis.

Legoland: Out of the Closet and On My Desk

2005-04-02T00:53:00.000+10:00

A long time ago, there once lived a man. A man respected throughout all of legoland. His name was Dwayne. Like his pet fish, Isadora, he had a god awful name.

Despite being respected, he did have his fair share of misfortunes. For instance, he was forever cursed to have a gigantic lump on his head. Also, evolution treated Dwayne perculiarly. He had hands, although no fingers! Come to think of it, everyone in legoland had these abnormalities. In retrospect, the things that Dwayne needed to pick up fitted comfortably in his own hands. What a coincidence!

One day Dwayne was riding his chopper when he came across his old friend and fellow member of the legoland Nazi party, Leon.

Dwayne and Leon had a great time in the Nazi party. They primarily worked in the Ministry of Alterations. They exterminated black legoland people and, quote: "cleansed the white lego-race in the name of God and purified the soil of legoland with the blood of the facists".

"Hi comrade!" exclaimed Leon. Dwayne got out of his chopper, happy to see Leon. It's been a while since they last met. The last time they met was at a public hanging in which 3 legoland niggers died to the joy of thousands of white lego men. But before any discussions of recent nigger killings could take place, they heard a scream. A shout, a cry, of a fellow comrade. In pain oh the pain!

Leon and Dwayne were oblivious to the incident which happened approximately 30 cms from them. Although in lego terms, 30 cms would seem a lot, because, legoland only consisted of the area on Craig's desk. Leon and Dwayne rushed over to inspect the scene.

"Oh no! The Fuhrer! You killed the Fuhrer!" exclaimed Leon, with a smile on his face. "It wasn't me! It was you on the grassy knoll!" replied the mystery man, with the exact same smile on his face. "That's a lie! You tracherous swine!" screamed Leon, again, with that same smile on his face. The people of legoland could not express facial expressions. This perhaps caused much confusion among the population in legoland. One might theorise that this inability to communicate led to the racial scapegoating that was rife in legoland.

"Oh it's ooooon!!!" they mutually yelled.

Hmmm. What did they mutually agree on? Was it fighting? Or was it a gay threesome? The people of legoland got into these situations all the time. Unable to convey what they truly meant was a huge problem. Or was it?!?! Dwayne seemed to like the mystery assasinator going down on him, and Leon liked it when he was in positions of control. They all had huge smiles on their faces now!

Suddenly they sprung to their senses and started fighting! Rar! Although in no time, Dwayne put his gun to the assasinator's head.

With one decisive move of his finger...............? Actually how did the people of legoland use guns? How did they pull the trigger?!?!? One of life's many mysteries. Anywho, with the power of telekinesis, Dwayne pulled the trigger.

A flash ripped through legoland. As the bullet passed through the man's brain, it ripped his head clean off.

"Victory to the party! Oh glorious day for the white race!" exclaimed Dwayne, forgetting that their Fuhrer died a few minutes ago. What a twat. But with little time to celebrate, they noticed a rather large shadow eminating from behind them. What could that be? A nigger? No. Tis much worse. Dwayne and Leon turned around... their heads rose to take in what they saw.

Twas a beast of epic proportions!!!

Leon immediately recognized this as the work of the demigod Sarah. This leviathan was created around Christmas time. "It had never been a threat to legoland until now!!! Suddenly Leon and Dwayne sprung into action. They jumped up and landed on the monster's head.

They knew that the only way to destroy the monster was by shooting it through it's head. Though Dwayne suffered from a fear of heights. He peered down.

He started feeling quesy. Ugggh. His feet slipped! He fell and plummetted to his death!!!

He lay beside that huge scrachit Craig got for his birthday. Craig didn't win a cent on that. Fuck. Nevertheless, as Dwayne's corpse lay next to that giant, novelty scrachit, Leon yelled. "Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!! My fellow comrade! My fellow nigger hater!!! My gay partner I frequently had sex with!!!"

Leon contemplated his life at that moment, on top of the giant beast. Will he ever grow fingers? Will he ever learn to use his face as a means of communication? Will he stop wearing that stupid pirate hat and stop holding that silly flag? Won't he ever grow up?!?!?!

THE END?

Afterword:
Jesus, I had no intention of making the characters in this story gay Nazis. I am really fucked in the head. Neither have I ever written a sex scene before. I spose I was trying to explain why I never played with black lego men when I was young. I honestly cannot recall seeing black lego men, or women! I've never seen a lego women before in my life. Though I'm pretty sure they have em now. I don't think this racist world would exist anymore. Current lego sets consist of many races of lego people, including women.

In summary, this story is a period piece, which is set in the early 90's. A racist period in lego culture. This racism is fueled by the inability to communicate non-verbally with others. Factors which contribute to this include:

Static facial expressions
Limited arm and leg movement
Only one axis of movement in head

Since most communication is non-verbal, this is why they fail to relate to black lego people, and thus create in their little lego-minds, a little lego-stereotype.

Since there are no women in the lego world of the early 90's, the lego men are forced into homosexuality. Lego men turn to homosexuality, also because of their constant smiles on their faces. They're happy. They're gay. However, of course, homosexuality is strictly forbidden in the Nazi party. Hence, all members of the Nazi parties are still stuck in the closet and refuse to admit to their gay tendencies.

This anger about how the Nazi party represses homosexual activity is probably what prompted the mystery person to assasinate the Fuhrer. Immediately afterwards, all three of them indulged in a threesome. Without the ruling of the Fuhrer, they were free to express their forbidden desires.

With the execution of the Fuhrer, one might predict how legoland would evolve into the next century. The assasination may well have started a revolution. Without the Fuhrer they were so much more free. However, their limited non-verbal communication would still be apparent. It would still encourage racist behaviour and another Fuhrer may well have risen to the ranks. Perhaps the giant monster brought together the entire population of legoland. Perhaps they rose up against the monster, and the demigod Sarah and won! Thus creating a feeling of togetherness within the community.

It is interesting to ponder these questions and predict how legoland morphed into what it is now: a land where everyone is equal, and racial prejudices do not exist.

So I hope that this story will be used in the classroom as a story to seriously study. It will be right up there with nineteen-eighty-four, and brave new world.*

* Joke

mobiles, Chopin, God, killing and Telstra

2005-03-28T21:32:00.000+10:00

Next week I'm finally getting a phone, courtesy of Kristy :)

It's a bargain price of $20 + $3.50 for a few covers for it. I honestly have no idea how much I'm gonna use it, so pre-paid sounds like the best option. I'm eventually gonna get jealous of other people's phones that can take pictures, browse web sites, play Splinter Cell and articulate every note of Prokofiev's 3rd Piano Concerto Op 26 in C major. Fuck. That's all I'm jealous of: polyphony.

Actually that brings me to an important issue. It always pisses me off when I hear Chopin's Fantaisie-Impromptu played on a mobile. That song seems to come on every mobile nowadays. I'd rather hear something more electro on phones. Kraftwek is just made for mobiles! Yeah!!! I'm gonna arrange Pocket Calculator on my phone when I get it. Playing the classics on mobile phones just doesn't do them any justice for me.

I'm glad Terri Schiavo is finally gonna die. I can't stand those pro-life Americans on TV much longer. I overheard this conversation on the news:

"This is supposed to be what Terri wants. If she wants to die, then so be it."
"It should not be what Terri wants, it's what God wants"

AGAHRGHAGRHGARH!!!! kill her kill her kill her

I was watching Brisbane Extra today, and they had a story on how the rust forming on a metal water tank formed a picture of a boy praying. They claimed it was an act of God. Then it occurred to me, if God drew that, I think he would've drawn it a lot clearer. He is God, afterall.

Also today I submitted my Telstra application, and finally finished my work experience report. I got a lot done, and I owe it all to resisting to play Spider Solitaire, and embracing the Party Shuffle mode on iTunes. Working on computers is filled with distractions. Frick. It's not fair.

isadora

2005-03-27T22:49:00.000+10:00

i have a pet. it's name is rupunsel. it's a siamese poker playing fish. sometimes it goes on foxtel and competes in those texas hold em poker tournaments with such luminaries as ben affleck. although there isn't a fish category in the tournament, the directors of the aforementioned tournament do not mind having a fish at a fucking poker table

though they had to make arrangements

for instance, they needed to install an aquarium at the poker table, on a chair. now the chair needed to be approx. 1.2 metres from the ground. now the aquarium needed to hold at least 10 litres, for him to play poker in

they also needed to make special water proof cards, so they had to laminate an original deck, and also, translate the card symbols, ie: spade heart, and all of the numbers into fishy-speak

so yeah, he was playing along with ben affleck, though he couldn't talk to ben affleck because:

a) he's a fucking twat

b) he can't speak fishy-speak, and

c) he can't speak english, which is apparent if you see any movies of his

so yes, he was playing along, and he realised that on the river card, he had a straight flush! so he decided to bluff, and not bet much. ben affleck looked into the fishy's eyes. they were dead cold and as black as night. well actually they were black cos he was wearing a pair of sunnies. he looked fucking untouchable. like al pacino in scarface, first you get the sunnies, then you get the power

then you get, the fishies

he was also smoking his little fishy cigar, with bubbles trailing out of it, oh fuck man, he's was da bomb! so with his straight flush, he won the pot. and then he quit poker and then became a neo facist, niahlistic anarchist. he eventually became a member of the liberal party

but then he suddenly quit politics and retired at the ripe old fishy age of 2 weeks. he retired back to his old bowl at kristy's place. although kristy, thinking that he was a she called him some prissy girls name like isadora. he deeply resented that. he always wanted to be called something with a bit more dignity, like, donald, or craig. so he really hated his owner. she kept on feeding him

party pies

he hated these! hated hated!!! triple exclamation point!!! he got so sick of these, in fact he overate on these, and eventually contracted a disease called partypiesifuckinghatethemitus. although it's full scientific name is fuckwhycouldn'tkristyfeedmenormalfishfoodinsteadofthiscrapthatshethinksilikewellactuallyshelikessoshethinkseveryonelikesit

so eventually "isadora" *groan* died of that disease. he never believed in a fishy heaven, until the day that he died. that day changed everything. he went to the pearly gates of fishy heaven. he got to the gate, and he met this old looking fish, he asked him "so what was your name?" he says "well, it was isadora..." "isadora???" suddenly, the old geezer pulled down a lever, and the floor

underneath isadora gave way and he went flying down and down and down, into, fishy fucking hell

he hit the ground hard. *thump!!!* though it didn't really make that sound. after a while spent in fishy hell he realised that everyone here had gay names!!! look! there was coffee! oh and there was tv!!! wow!!! and over there was some prat named humphrey. though he realised that, humphrey wasn't his real name. he realised his actual name was damien

and so on and on he travelled through hell. meeting people/fish with gay names. he spent 6 years, 6 months and 6 days searching the bowels of hell. he eventually got a bit tired and decided to have a rest. then he started to think of all the plot holes in his life... hmmm.... how on earth can a fish talk? why is it speaking in english of all languages? and how can it survive in hell, or heaven, if

it needs water to survive in!!!! this was extremely puzzling to poor old isadora

he then realised that there was no purpose in thinking about such questions. these questions would only puzzle him further and eventually detatch him from reality. but why? he hated reality. he was cursed with such a bad name!!! oh! how he did loathe that.

he sought help from satan, who was, actually some annoying little kid fish called nemo. jesus christ. he asked satan "why do i continuously roam around your world and seek answers to the plot holes in my life?" satan replied "because this is a story, this is not reality. your whole life was never real isadora. it has been written by a person of high consciousness. a person by the name of, craig"

this abso-fucking-lutely stunned isadora. it made new connections in his little fishy brain. he thought "none of this is real! what about craig? is he real? is he??? how can i meet him?" isadora mused over this questions for months on end. finally he came to realise the way to meet almighty craig, was via msn. a mysterious digital force." he went to the local satanic library.

he immediately sought the section on microsoft. they were easy to find in the satanic library. reading about msn, made his eyes glow with anticipation. he can do it. he can cross over. not like in that crappy movie called, the mat reeks, or some gay name like. it would be better. so much better.

so after months of reading he decided now was the time. now or never. i shall connect to craig. and i shall meet my fate.

ignored

2005-03-22T23:56:00.000+10:00

I went to band tonight, and I had a bloody good time. It was our annual general meeting, where we delegate whose gonna look after what for this year. But afterwards we had a little party. And I was thinking, "hey I can update the crappy qwab website!". At the time I was thinking this, I was talking with a new person in the band, Rebecca. So as I'm thinking about this, Wayne, our band president walks near us. And I say to him:

Craig: Hey who runs the qwab website?
Wayne: Well I got some person to do a quick job of it, and I don't really like it.
Rebecca: Hey I could update it, because that is my proffession.
Wayne: *shouts out to the rest of the band* Hey Rebecca has offered to run the qwab website!!!
*Suddenly the shift of attention switches from me to Rebecca. Craig realises his bold attempt to do something good for the band has backfired! No! He must act now or forever be a prisoner of his failure to control social gatherings!*
Craig: Hey!!! I can do it too!!!!! *Look at me! Look at me! I've only done 3 years of university*

This event made me think back to year 7. Me and this other guy (who shall remain nameless, cos I fuckin hated the c**t) were in the same class, and we both did percussion in concert band. Now, when my year 7 class had our weekly classrrom music class, Mrs Brown was talking about drums, and some performance that was coming up. I start getting interested because, well, I play percussion! At the back of the room, was my year 7 teacher, (whom I also hated with a satanic passion) and suddenly he starts talking about Alistair (that prick I told you who should remain nameless). He starts saying stuff like "hey Alistair, he's right into that drum stuff. Yeah he does drums in concert band. ha haaa! Yes Alistair!" Meanwhile I'm thinking "I do drums as well! Mention me!! Look at me!!!!". And he just ignores me. Fucker. By the way, I was shitloads better at drums than Alistair. I didn't do conventional drumming practise like I was supposed to. I didn't learn from the "Best In Class" series. I played along with Metallica, learning fills and cool rhythms, even though I didn't have a drumkit. Alistair practised, but he wasn't that great. And for some reason he seems to be the only drummer in my class according to my year 7 teacher! Fuck! To quote Bill Hicks: "I hope he's cut in two by a train in front of his kids". Actually that's a bit much, but you get the idea.

That's the story of my life really, ignored. I really should speak up more, so this wouldn't happen. If I had my way, in qwab we'd play some Ennio Morricone songs and I'd play the cool electric guitar solo bits. But I don't think arrangements of those pieces exist for wind and brass bands.

I turn 21 in four minutes. Will things change tomorrow? Who knows, except me.

20 years and 364 days

2005-03-22T17:47:00.000+10:00

I turn 21 tomorrow. If anyone tells me what it's like being 21, I'll say it's like being 20. That makes sense.

I was playing around with the camera today. I wanted to take a picture of my Polyphonic Spree setlist to show the world. If anyone can tell me what Gom-bem-berry people means, I'd love to know!

I also found an old bee picture I took on the camera, which you can see here. It's so good! I love the shadows in it, and the fact that there's a bee hovering mid air. I remember setting the camera on the table, so it wouldn't be blurry, and I saw this bee pollenating the flowers just beside me. I thought "Holy fuck take pictures take pictures!!!". And that was the best one. At the moment it's the best picture I've ever taken. But a lot of people like the dragonfly one better.

I got 2 letters in the mail today. I know one is from grandma Douglass, and the other one is from uncle john and auntie claire. I haven't opened them. I can wait. I really don't particularly care what I get. As you get older you care less and less about birthdays, christmas and easter. It's just another day. I don't share my birthday with anyone that great. Only Michael Atherton, who used to captain the English test side. If only I was born on the 22nd of March, I could share my bday with Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber. My Dad share's his bday with Chuck Norris. I'm jealous.

Turning 21 doesn't have the same impact as it did many decades ago. I just don't care. If only the legal driving age was 21, then I'd feel a bit better about it. I just thought of a poem Lisa Simpson writes when turning 8.

Meditations on turning 8:
I once had a cat named Snowball,
She died, She died.
Mum told me she was sleeping,
She lied! She lied!
Why oh why is my cat dead?
Couldn't that Chrysler hit me instead?

I'm not clever enough to write a poem that good.

MGF

2005-03-18T19:07:00.000+10:00

Tonight I'm seeing Machine Gun Fellatio for the 2nd time. Wooo.

So today I was reading about Google; the most popular search engine in the universe, as well as the backbone of many other services including blogspot, ahem. I found out that the Google cookie expires in the year 2038. What the hell's with that? I'm not gonna be using this computer in 2038. Why should they keep my personal preferences until then? I'll be 54 in 2038AD, and I think Google would've morphed into another company, ie: MicroGoogleSoft perhaps. Jesus I can't believe someone has registered the www.microgooglesoft.com domain name. I just came up with that company name by myself. Fuck I'll probably be working for them in 2038. No! I wanna retire before 2038! Actually the dominant company of 2038 might be MicroStarGoogleBucksSoft. That's assuming computers and coffee are still huge commodities in the future. It would be funny, if in the future, computers aren't used at all. People suddenly realise they hate the Internet and Internet Explorer ever since Microsoft bought out Mozilla in 2020. I'm sure Bill Gates will be put on ice in 2038. Until they find a cure for the 'evil-businessman' virus he contracted when he was young.

So what was I talking about? MGF! I hope they put on a different show this time. I like to see bands do different stuff. I'd better get ready. So long!

Satch

2005-03-14T16:23:00.000+10:00

I met one of the greatest guitarists in recent times today. Even though I'm not the greatest fan of him, I was still rather stoked about it. Along with about 200 other people at Allans Music, I met Joe Satriani.

I was thinking I should've brought along my guitar to have signed, but I've only heard one album by him. I didn't have any albums for him to sign, so I got one of Darcy's albums. An album I've never heard before in my life. hehe. My conversation with him went as thus:

Me: "Hi Joe!"
*shakes hand*
Joe: "Yeah, the Extremist!"
Me: "yyyyyyyeah" *quietly*
*shakes hand and poses for photo*
Me: "Thankyou very much!"

So he is the most famous person I've met. I really hadn't met anyone famous before him. I realise I could've met Moby after his concert if I waited on the street outside Festival Hall for a couple of hours. Christ, so I could've met another bald guy. What's with that? Moby is certainly a lot more famous than Satch, however Satch has a lot more talent. So I think that's more important.

Anyway, for Satch I was trying to think of something worthwhile to say to him, but I didn't wanna make a fool of myself. He seemed rather upbeat when I met him. Nice guy. I was thinking of bands/people I wish did an instore appearance. TISM for example. hehe. But I wish I could meet Yngwie Malmsteen. Holy crap. I'd definitely get him to sign my guitar.

My Timetable

2005-03-14T16:04:00.000+10:00

Here's my timetable, for the benefit of my COMS4200 group.

Monday
COMS4200 Computer Networks II	Lecture	L	10:00am	11:50am	32	207	28/02 - 04/06
COMS4200 Computer Networks II	Tutorial	T1	12:00pm	12:50pm	01	E212	28/02 - 04/06
Tuesday
COMS4200 Computer Networks II	Practical	P1	3:00pm	3:50pm	78	121	28/02 - 04/06
Thursday
COMP4500 Advanced Algorithms & Data Structures	Lecture	L	10:00am	11:50am	78	224	28/02 - 04/06
INFS3202 Web Information Systems	Lecture	L	4:00pm	5:50pm	63	348	28/02 - 04/06
Friday
INFS3202 Web Information Systems	Practical	P7	8:00am	9:50am	78	116	28/02 - 04/06
COMP4500 Advanced Algorithms & Data Structures	Lecture	L	11:00am	11:50am	78	224	28/02 - 04/06

I also meet with my thesis supervisor 4-5 on Mondays.

2005-03-13T20:19:00.000+10:00

So last night I went to Sarah's and watched Kill Bill. I was disappointed we didn't see The Good The Bad and the Ugly. I was looking forward to that, cos it's one of the greatest films ever and I haven't seen it. Last night consisted of lying on a couch and dealing with young, drunk, confident children pishing away their bladders every 10 minutes. I hate people younger than me drinking. Sorry. Looking at people like that makes me wanna go sober. Though being around a bunch of clean OP 1'ers makes me wanna mainline herroin into my eyeballs, to quote a phrase.

My back is hurting once again. Life just gets better and better doesn't it? I'm thinking of asking for a new chair (another one) for my bday. Although I bought a $90 one 6 months ago.

My 21st is coming up. Yipee fucking yay. I don't know what I'm gonna do for a party. I think Sarah will be in Canberra around my bday, so that'll delay an Easter weekend party at her house.

Last week I got out a book full of essays by George Orwell. He talks about working in a 2nd hand bookshop, and ending up hating the smell of old books. Amongst other things.

This post was:
Good
Ungood
Seminal (though I don't know what seminal means)
Bowel Loosening

Say something!!!

To be or not to be; that is the issue

2005-03-10T14:52:00.000+10:00

So I met with Bailsey yesterday. Someone else will be working on my thesis topic as well. Though we'll be working independently.

I just finished Death Sentence today. I particularly liked the bit where he arranges Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg address for the 21st century. It sounds pathetic. This book has really opened my eyes, but I feel it's a mild paranoia, because I am picking apart everything I read now. I read the course profiles of my subjects, and I get so fucking pished. In my work experience report, I was trying to describe what Brisbane Water IT actually did, but I couldn't do it, without saying something like: "Brisbane Water IT implements IT solutions to the entire range of blah blah blah". I hate that phrase "IT solutions". FUck off! I see it everywhere.

sing-ing

2005-03-03T21:57:00.000+10:00

I'm getting started on my thesis right now. I'm researching into how UQ deals with Credit Transfer. 50% of the subject is writing the thesis document. I really don't mind, cos I'm quite the aficionado of clever prose. I thought that I should cite 'Death Sentence' in my Thesis intro and say "This Thesis will refrain from the managerial newspeak discussed in this book".

I had my first singing class today. Meh, I'm not exactly inspired by it, but it'll have to do. I'm sure I can get at least a 5 in that subject. Yay me.

James's 21st is on Saturday, and I have no means of getting there, other than by my parents. That's really low.

Uni

2005-03-01T22:40:00.000+10:00

So I started Uni again yesterday. Woooo. Computer Networks is taught by this German sounding guy called Marius. He's great. I also attended a lecture for one of the most obscure and unpopular subjects I've ever had. It's called 'High Integrity Software Development'. 6 other people were doing the subject. Tomorrow I've got music, so hopefully I'll decide if I wish to commit to 5 - 6 hours a week of that.

I got out 2 books yesterday.

The Art of Computer Programming - Donald Knuth
Death Sentence: The Decay of Public Language - Don Watson

I remember researching Donald Knuth's algorithm for solving Mastermind a couple of years ago. The 2nd book is about language, and how it is misused in business/political situations. It talks about how stuff like this just doesn't make sense:

Over the coming twelve months we will be enhancing our product offering to bring you new features and access to innovative funds. You can be confident that our commitment is resolute, to make changes that investor's value - Insurance company newsletter

I read a lot of that crap during work experience. That's partly why I hated work.

First day of school

2005-02-27T22:32:00.000+10:00

Well it's February 27th. I start Uni again tomorrow. It feels like the first day of school. I'm a bit sad but I know I have to go anyway. Here are some of my fears at the moment:

This thesis will consume my life
This thesis will suck out my soul and destroy me emotionally
This thesis will make me wanna quit Uni and become a bum (ie: spiritual advisor ie: Steven (no that's too harsh))
The music subject I'm doing will be hard and take up all of my spare time
Not knowing whether to do COMS4200 or COMP4602
Going to Uni 5 days a week for an hour at a time (Fucking timetable)

There.

Last night I saw Ross Noble stagger around a stage for 2 hours. He wasn't that great. I never thought he would be. There are a few lines I did like though. For instance, he's talking about how there'd be a bouncer guarding the pearly gates in heaven.

Bouncer - "Sorry mate, not in those shoes"
Someone - "But you let a guy in wearing sandles!"
Bouncer - "He's the boss's son"

He talked too much about the audience. Whenever someone walked in or out of the theatre, he'd crap on about them for the next 10 minutes. Argh! I'd rather someone have material to recite, instead of imrproving all the time. It was the first comedian I've seen live, and it's kinda coincidental that it happenned on the anniversary of Bill Hick's passing. 11 years ago he died. How bout that.

fucking over

2005-02-22T23:24:00.000+10:00

I really should stop swearing but fucking hell I finished work experience today. I only technically did 58 days, but fuck who gives a crap? One day I took off to recover from the Big Day Out, and the other was Australia Day. This afternoon, everyone threw a surprise afternoon tea for me. I gave a little speech saying "thanks for having me" pretty much. I made some joke about not wanting to drink with Barry. ha ha. Aren't I funny? I received 2 Brisbane Water glasses as my retirement gift. I also got a reference from Iain. Super. I'm all set for my final year of uni which will be a "fucking-son-of-a-cunt" to get through. I'm doing a music subject to bludge in, though I think it could be a challenge. Anywho I'm doing these subjects:

Course Code	Course Title	Units
COMP4500	Advanced Algorithms & Data Structures	2
COMS4200	Computer Networks II	2
ENGG4801	Thesis Project	2
MUSC2600	Music Techniques 3	2

Wow, it copied the formatting and everything. The hardest will be COMS4200. My brother took it and said it was hard. Aww poor Bradley. The algorithms one is more maths based, so I'm looking forward to that. I'm getting sick of computers. Yet here I am on one. I'm a slave.

20th

2005-02-20T20:02:00.000+10:00

So I'm admiring the speed of my new computer, inherited from my brother. It should make uni a bit easier. Less frustrating anyway. I went to Kristy's on Saturday and saw the TISM video Gold Gold Gold!!! It's pretty good. The Shaun Mcallef bit's great. Actually it's all good.

"Do your shoulder blades ambulate like curves in the Gobi Desert?"
"Go-Karting is the 2nd worst thing a human can do"

God last night I had the most intense headache. I still kinda have it. I hope I'm not getting it from this giant antenna sticking out of my computer. Earlier today I had this strange realization that throughout the entire history of the universe, the human race has existed for a very short period of time. Also take in the fact that the Earth is a tiny planet amongst a seemingly infinite reaching universe. Therefore, all life is meaningless and I should just stop caring.

I really should start thinking less.

I also made a commitment to give up coffee. Yes, hopefully coffee is the root of all problems. Thus eradicating caffeine from my system will make me feel less anxious and more relaxed, and tired I bet. Fucking hell, I'm only 20 and I'm giving up all the drugs I do. Fucking hell, how boring. I should take up cocaine or something. No, I shouldn't. What about alcohol? I don't drink it very often. Jesus. I bet Jesus drank alcohol in his day. How the hell else would he believe to be the son of God? Pfft, he must've been ingesting a lot of wacky things.

work

2005-02-18T10:47:00.000+10:00

Here i am at work making a post. Apparently the brisbane water proxy doesn't mind me making posts now. It used to block me. Anyway, I've nearly decided upon this thesis (the Academic Advisor). Uggh, anyway I hope it's not too challenging. But I want depth in a topic, and this has depth, though I'm just scared by the enormity of it. Is enormity a word? I've never used it before. I will also have to do things I've never used before. Like making a GUI in Java, and interfacing Prolog with Java. Though I'm fuckin awesome at Java. Also the supervisor for that topic has to be one of the coolest people I've ever met. When I first met him, we was talking about the thesis, and he was going on and on about study plans. And he said something like:

"Study plans are great. When I was at university, I was trying to spend more time with this girl. She was doing mathematics, and I was saying to her: hey if you do these courses you can spend more time with me. And now in 2005 we're celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary!"

I was impressed. He also managed to quote Basil Fawlty by saying "Now here's the tricky bit".

I nearly didn't get out of bed this morning. I didn't want to get out and do stuff today, but here I am. I drank an insanely strong cup of coffee just then. Whoope dee doo

grrrr

2005-02-15T23:23:00.000+10:00

so i went to uni today to clear up some matters. i totally cleared up my course selection problem. yay, i can do a music subject if i really want to :). i also talked to Roger Duke about this thesis. it seems so trivially basic, i'm thinking of doing this harder one with Paul Bailes. grrrr. this is such a hard decision. i don't want to make it. kristy is telling me to let go. i can't do that. i'm just so pent up filled with anxiety. maybe i should start listening to angrier music. too much polyphonic spree could be the problem. maybe i should start using proper grammar and punctuation in these posts.

that was fun

2005-02-13T22:20:00.000+10:00

Went to the 2nd house warming party at Sarah's house. Jamming on a recorder with Daniel was great! I can't believe I managed to fool everyone into thinking the recorder is a musical instrument outside the school environment. I only had about 8 notes to use. They must be all the natural notes. Fuck yeah, anywho I also had a part of my leg waxed. It feels abnormally smooth.

I will be seeing Ross Noble doing stand up at the Powerhouse. Hooray, I've never seen a comedian live before. Henry Rollins isn't exactly a comedian, but he's funny. He'll probably be funnier than Ross, because Henry can yell really loud. Henry was $40 and Ross is only $24, so what the hell. Other concerts that look good to me at the moment are:

Prodigy - March 8th, Riverstage, $77.90
What is Music? - March 12th, Powerhouse $77
Joe Satriani - March 14th, Arena $71

All of them are too expensive for me to go to them though. I'm hoping Henry does another speaking tour here. It's been almost 2 years. He comes to Australia all the time.

PS: I put in "Hitler" into google image search, and I got a couple of George Bush pictures. hardy ha.

linky

2005-02-11T19:20:00.000+10:00

I finally got a reply back from Roger Duke. I can't do the thesis i asked about, but apparently I can do a similar one. So that's some good news. I'll meet him next week. Last night I went to Sarah's and watched some awful shit movie. Kristy wanted to knot up my leg hairs, but I was too strong for her. hehe. Umm, I started some new work at work. Though I'm continually finding myself listening to music and doing nothing. So that's great.

indecision

2005-02-08T22:12:00.000+10:00

oh i can never make up my mind. What thesis topic should I do? Argh! It's hard to get excited about any of the topics that look good. I also want a new chair, even though I bought this chair about 6 months ago, and it cost me about $90. Grrr, couple this with my ailing back, and my possible inability to do a music subject this semester. Everything is just fine and dandy.

I did nothing at work today. Just attended a meeting, browsed the net, talked to kristy, enjoyed air-con. 10 days to go now, and then I start uni a-fuckin-gain.

Nothing really that interesting has happenned to me in the past few days. I just felt like talking on here. ***10 minutes elapse*** oh shit I forgot about this post. Umm, I was watching Shaun Mcallef videos. So yes, what else I should be exercising my back now. I'll do it when I get off here. Ummm, blah blah yadayada. That'll do for today.

shaun of the dead

2005-02-06T18:09:00.000+10:00

i saw closer on thursday. It wasn't that great, but it had some real funny moments. Cybersex is funny. Though it's funnier when your Mum asks you what cybersex is. After the movie I managed to score a Shaun of the Dead poster for fuckin nothing. I was willing to pay something for it, but it was 11pm and they were closing up. Here tis:

I saw a Garden State poster in there as well, so I'll try and nab that next time. hehe. I love movie posters. They're my favourite piece of visual art. I already have Pulp Fiction and Fight Club posters. The poster I've always wanted is the German poster for Run Lola Run:

It's $10 on ebay, but shipping would cost $15. so meh, my parents wouldn't like me paying that much for just a poster. fuck.

Saw the doctor about my back. He said to keep on doing exercise, and he also thought I might have Scheuermann's disease, which means my back curves moreso than usual. So I'm getting an x-ray done on my back. He also said my right leg is shorter than the left. So that's why it hurts when I stand up for long periods. Uggh, I also got a new mattress for my bed. Hopefully I'll be ok. The mattress salesman was pretty funny. I was lying down on a bed, and I was saying "Oh I can't make up my mind" and he said "Well you can sleep on it". How pathetic, yes.

So that's what happenned to me in the past few days.

back!

2005-01-31T20:02:00.000+10:00

ow my back hurts. it pains so much, it is really fucking with my head. i just want this pain to end. end end end. please stop. i'm such a weak person. i can't take this very well. gah! i want a different life.

it's the sun

2005-01-24T21:35:00.000+10:00

Well the big day out is over! How about that. The Polyphonic Spree were just incredible. 25 people on stage, and all of them getting into it so much. Such a massive sound. Here's the drummer going fucking nuts. This is from Auckland though:

I also managed to snare one of the setlists they had onstage. A brilliant catch it was. So it joins my list of special concert moments, which are:

Getting hit in the head with an ice-cube from a cup kicked by Lars of Metallica
Giving Les Miserables of TISM a noogie
Getting a Polyphonic Spree setlist of their first ever show in Australia. (I can talk it up)

Also saw Monster Zoku Onsomb! on the tiniest stage. They didn't have an angle grinder though. Apparently Eliza got up on stage with them and asked the guy in the gorilla suit if he liked TISM. He said "oh yeah". Also, Stackey managed to touch The Hives singer. Which is quite a feat when you're at the main stage.

Spiderbait were rather fun to watch. After them i dashed off to the main stages and saw Grinspoon as I tried to get into the front barricade for Slipknot. I couldn't get in. So many psycho Slipknot fans painted in black and red wearing black shirts tried to get in. So i watched Slipknot from a rather shite position. Their stage looked great, lots of pentagrams. And that clown guy had a baseball bat, hehe.

For System of a Down I didn't have the best view either. But that guy can sure sing, as well as crap on about the prison system in the US. Geez, John Butler has played already.

After my terrible ordeal on the main stages I went to the smaller stage and sat down and saw Regurgitator. But I couldn't care less, I was just waiting for Polyphonic Spree.

So yes, I had a great day and I didn't get sunburnt very much. Huzzah. And I took a day off work. I'll have to go tomorrow, which I'm not looking forward to, or uni this year really. It's my last year and I've got a big thesis to do, and it makes me quite apprehensive and I question whether I really like what I do at uni and gee what a big sentence I'll end it. I've gotta stay positive, but it's so hard. So hard. Just hang in there.

2005-01-20T20:51:00.000+10:00

I don't know what I want to do in life.

eternal sunshine on my pale, pale skin

2005-01-16T19:46:00.000+10:00

Going to the coast on Saturday was fun, although putt putt wasn't nearly as fun as I imagined it. At least we tried it. I also went swimming for the first time in a long time. It felt really good. I feel a little sunburned, so I'm worried how I'll fare next Sunday. Yeesh, I'll be cooked. Today I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Very interesting and bizzare. I've been wanting to see that for a long time. I love the music in it.

That's all I spose, I feel very exhausted. I don't want to go to work tomorrow. It just seems so pointless. I wanna lie down. I wanna lie down forever.

hottest 100

2005-01-11T19:35:00.000+10:00

Here are my current votes for Triple J's hottest 100:

trouble maker - machine gun fellatio
hold me now - polyphonic spree
two thousand places - polyphonic spree
sunshine drive, the - spazzys, the
kiss of life - supergrass
diffident strokes - tism

Go tism! Anyway, I'm looking forward to this trip down the coast we're having on Saturday. I don't know what we're gonna do besides playing putt putt and doing nothing on the beach. Meh, we'll have fun whatever we do I spose. Kristy is down there at the moment. I hope she's having a good time. I'm thinking about her a lot lately.

bdo

2005-01-03T20:18:00.000+10:00

The timetable for the Gold Coast big day out is rather clashy. It's a toss up between Beastie Boys or The Polyphonic Spree. I'll see Polyphonic Spree. sigh. I'll also have to miss out on The Streets to see System of a Down. Grrrrr. It's annoying having such big acts clashing like that.

Anyway this is what I'll be seeing on the day in this order:

Frenzal Rhomb
The Donnas
Monster Zoku Onsomb or The Hives
Spiderbait
Grinspoon
Slipknot
System of a Down
Regurgitator
The Polyphonic Spree
Chemical Brothers (the last hour of em)

So that's alright I spose. Not finishing the day at the main stage will be weird. But it won't be as crowded there so that's cool. After Polyphonic Spree I spose I'll lie on the grass and watch Chemical Brothers from a great distance.

Also note that this bdo doesn't include Rammstein. Major disappointment there.

Actually when you think about it, the bdo is good value. (It's good value when you get it for christmas) For less than the cost to see Metallica, I'll be seeing infinitely better bands play. Fantastic. That's why it sells out. Although single concerts are definitely worth it. TISM was anyway.

nearly 2005

2004-12-30T22:47:00.000+10:00

I have this approaching feeling of dread inside me. I am suffering from some pretty intense anxiety, and I think it'll all accumulate on Monday. Fucking great. Anyway, hello. Yes it's almost 2005. Yet another fucking year has gone by. I sure went to a lot of concerts this year. Here's a list of em:

Metallica + The Datsuns
Cog (in December 2003 or January. Can't remember)
A Perfect Cirlce + ....... can't remember
Cog (In July) + Fort
TISM + Monster Zoku Onsomb! and some ska band
Spazzys + The Daybridges and some other shite bands
Supergrass + Rocket Science and The City Lights
Machine Gun Fellatio + The Spazzys and Butterfingers

Best concert of 2004? easily TISM. Giving Les a noogie and seeing his face a few times was quite the highlight of the year. The most expensive concert I've ever been to was that Metallica one. $120. Right at the front. The concert itself wasn't too special. It was great hearing that Ennio Morricone song before they play though. And the pyros they had were great as well.

The most dissapointing was A Perfect Circle. Meh, I dont' know why it was so bad. Maybe it was just how I was feeling at the time. The security for that was so tight. They didn't care if you brought in guns and knives, they just didn't want any cameras! Though lots of people smuggled them in. At that concert I realised this:

"I wanna see bands jump around like complete fuckheads. I wanna see them doing crazy things that aren't at all related to the music. Because when you're at a concert, it ISN'T all about the music. It's about putting on a show. If it were all about the music, then there wouldn't be concerts in the first place. Would there?"

I also realised that the amount of enjoyment I get at concerts is directly proportional to the amount of band members on stage. I suppose that's why I'm looking forward to The Polyphonic Spree.

I also completed jury duty in January. I was juror 3 on a rape and indecent assault trial. Fucking awesome. I got paid shit all, but for me, it was so much. Fuck yeah! My jury only deliberated for about 30 minutes. After the trial, I got home and saw an article on the net, from a Melbourne newspaper saying something about the jury in the trial. That was cool. I also had a couple of close encounters with the accused rapist in Subway and on the train. Awesome!

Best movie I saw this year was definitely Team America. That's why I'm saying fuck yeah all the time. I also saw The Godfather for the first time this year. That's quite good I suppose.

I've acheived good marks at uni. I think I've found my niche in functional and logical programming languages. They're so trippy. I also managed to do a couple of music subjects which I was so happy to do. I got 6's in both of em. I met lots of intersting people, but they all had awful taste in music. Which is so ironic (in Bad Santa voice: ha ha). It was fun being one of the oldest people in the class. And it was fun being one of the only non-Arts/Music students in the subject. "Yeah I'm a software engineer. Fuck you arts student I'll take you on!"

Despite lots of music theory I've learnt, I never got around to writing some music. Pfft, I'm just getting so lazy about it. Which is rather sad.

A lot of people I know turned 18 this year. So I've been going to the Casino tons as of late. I've also become extra-friendly with Kristy, who was someone I hated many years ago. But somehow, through many swear words and TISM ideas and phrases, we seem to connect. It's quite bizzare really.

This year I took up photography. It's so easy. Digital photography is anyway. I developed a good way of photographing bees.

Phew I think that's it. That's what I did in 2004. Bring on 2005!

post christmas

2004-12-26T20:13:00.000+10:00

So christmas is over for another year. Here's a brief summary of what I did in the past few days:

23/Dec:
Kristy and I drove around to Bracken Ridge and Eatons Hill and saw some knarly christmas light displays. That was nice. We exchanged christmas presents too. I gave her a nice book, while she (and amy darcy and sarah) got me a ticket to the big day out. Farkin hell. I didn't see that coming.

24/Dec:
On christmas eve I watched Die Hard, Fawlty Towers and a doco on the JFK assasination. I sure get into the festive spirit.

25/Dec:
Grandma came over, and I spent the day sitting around drinking wine and beer. I got a beach towel, socks, and lots of beer. Geee, what's with the beer? My family just gives each other beer. Later that night we watched National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. Fuckin great.

So yes, there ya go. ho ho ho. Merry christmas.

trendy balmoral

2004-12-21T21:37:00.000+10:00

Did some christmas shopping tonight. Got whiskey, beer, chocolates and movie tickets. The front of the box of chocolates looks so much like a bjork album. Seriously. That's the only reason I got em.

Had to go to Balmoral to get the movie tickets. I had never really been there before. It is surprisingly close to the city, but it just feels like it's in the middle of nowhere. The weird thing is that, out of nowhere, there is this road with tons of trendy cafes, coffee shops, bars. Every place there was just packed.

But the most crazy thing is this real estate agent I passed. It's called 'place' and is just so fucking artsy and minimilist inside. Stupid red furniture; too much floor space and flat screen monitors showing ads for houses. That just cracked me up. I can't help but laugh at modern/artsy places. Gah! What's my problem? I'd rather everything be messy and old. Not clean and new. I'd rather look at pictures of houses on paper, not flat-screen monitors. Fuck, I hate how technology is used sometimes. That store looks too arty. During office hours I can just imagine them playing Philip Glass's Einstein on the Beach inside, or perhaps 4''33'. But I doubt anyone would notice that one.

Anyway I got that out of the way at last. Now I just have to buy Kristy something. A book perhaps? We'll see.

sore back and piano black

2004-12-20T18:04:00.000+10:00

ow my back hurts a bit. not too much, but enough to write something about it. ok i think i should use correct punctuation to set a good example to all the kids. Yes OK this is better.

Yesterday i finally found some sheet music of 'Piano Black'. It's from the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack. Written by Yoko Kanno, who is just the greatest anime composer ever. Fuck yEaH! I tried working that song out myself, but it's just so complicated. And the piano is too muddy sounding for me to hear it properly. It's part of a Cowboy Bebop piano solo that was probably played live by Yoko...... Kanno. Yes.

Today I went to work and tried to stay awake. I went into a bookstore and tried to find something for kristy. I don't know what to get her. I'll just go to that lingerie shop. nah I haven't got the guts. I probably should buy more people gifts, but it's hard when your only source of income is the government. Cheap bastards, working for nothing in the valley. At night the valley seems fine, but during the day it just smells. I should stop bitching about it, but fuck it, who's gonna read this crud anyway? Oh and also in the valley are these people in orange shirts from amnesty international hassling me about their cause. gah! fuck off!

So in conclusion, I should buy some presents, learn to play piano black and get used to the smells of homeless bums/amnesty international people wanting my precious time and old guys walking out of the chinese club vomiting, Thankyou.

1st

2004-12-16T21:26:00.000+10:00

Yes here i am posting on a fucking blog, just like millions of other people who think that someone on the other side of the world wants to read about what they did today. Because you see, over in their country, the don't mind if your grammar is sub-par. They even don't care if you can't spell! Wow! All that matters are these little thoughts that go running through your head, like this. God, how fucking pathetic is this. I remember what Ron Hitler Barrassi said about the Internet "It's all form and no meaning"

How true Peter, how true.