Nerds

During my time doing work for the dole, I have learnt the following useful facts that will increase my chances of employment:

• Aliens built the great pyramids of Giza. It was a joint effort between the Egyptians and a species from another galaxy. This was because someone had to construct the crypts inside/below the pyramids. Additionally they never wrote about it as there is no hieroglyphic for an alien/UFO.
  
• Ludwig van Beethoven was tone-deaf (not just deaf). This was despite him having perfectly healthy hearing for the first 20 or so years of his life and having displayed extraordinary musical talent at an early age.
  
• Medieval role-playing is fucking dull. Dressing up in armour and partaking in gay sword battles sounds like a right-royal waste of humanity.
• Nerds are enthusiastic about computer games to the point where they cannot stop discussing them. They debate about pointless little matters within games.
• Nerds have a strange affinity for old, mechwarrior type games.
  
• Nerds like Stargate SG-1. Why?
  
• Nerds own shit movies on DVD like Club Dread.
• Nerds carry around CD wallets full of CDs with pirated movies on them at ALL times.
• Nerds like to show off their movie collections and brag about how much pirated shit they have.
• Nerds enjoy burning CDs, not just for the purpose of storing data, but for the actual process of using a computer to burn a CD. They must like saying the word "burn".
  
• Nerds sometimes dress in a black cape when it is raining.
  
• Nerds are really annoying since you cannot have a normal conversation and talk about normal things. It always has to involve some technical thing and always involves a nerd's ego. "I've got a pentium intel athlon microfuckucessor." "Oh yeah? My 3D graphdickissomuchbiggercard is so fast!"
  
• Nerds think they know everything including stuff that is not related to computers. This comes from their technical prowess in one topic (usually computers). Because they master this topic they think that any other topic is inferior, and hence an easy topic to "master".
  
• Nerds get boners over the most trivial things, like what flavour of Linux they have.
• Nerds have nothing but complete contempt for anything Microsoft related. They cannot talk about Microsoft products/practices without a hint of their bias.
  
• Nerds don't know any good jokes. They do not understand the concept of humour sometimes.
  
• Nerds don't swear as much as they should.
  
• Nerds who smoke still aren't tolerable. I love 2nd hand smoke, but a nerd with a fag is just a fag.
  
• Nerds complain about not being able to get a bus from Windsor to the city easily. This is despite me walking across the road, waiting 5-10 minutes and getting the next bus to the city.
• Nerds just don't shutup about Centrelink screwing them over.
  
• Nerds continually complain about Brisbane's public transport being inferior to Melbourne's. Christ. We don't have trams anymore.
  
• Nerds like reading into terms and conditions on stupid, pointless things and complaining to helpdesk people about these stupid, pointless things. This goes to the extent of asking if their company has a legal team.
• Nerds are perfectly happy wanking each other off (metaphorically) in a room all day.
• Nerds complain about the Translink site even though they probably couldn't make it better. They then go to Melbourne's public transport site and say that it is so much better.
• Nerds don't like bucking authority figures that are visible. They don't like using the internet when you're not supposed to.
• Nerds eat junk food a lot. They cannot give the big "fuck you" to McDonalds or Hungry Jacks every once in a while. Even fat bitches eat junk food. They do not have the will power to seek alternative food sources.
  
• Nerds must have the latest mobile phone. Anything less (particularly monophonic/LED phones) is a piece of crap. If you have a "crap" phone, you will be ridiculed and be made "inferior".
• Nerds don't like Sony Walkmans made in the 90's. Apparently their sister has an mp3 player that is half the size of one and can do a trillion things more. They are unable to fathom the concept that I can't afford something like that because I haven't got a fucking job.
  
• Nerds are insecure and like showing off in front of people they believe are "inferior" ie: me. They can show you a way to gain some fucking administrator privileges in Windows 2000 by using a tool they got off the Internet. Clever!
  
• Nerds who are really, really into computers and think they know 'em soooo well and yet have not studied Computer Science at University are the most fucked up cunts I have ever been around.

In closing, I wish everyone involved with the BuildIT course at Cadet Training and Employment at Windsor to go fuck themselves, get a job and get the fuck away from me.

Thanks.

PS: Congratulations to the Socceroos for getting so far in the World Cup. I think Zidane expressed the feelings of Australian fans when he pulled this Tekken move:



By the way, I pulled an Amy and redesigned my blog.